Mother. An invitation to the most amazing life celebration ceremony

oh bringer of life, dance with me breathing love

She used to take away the empty cup of coffee from my balcony office at my birthplace home in Bucharest. And always do the dishes when I was visiting. Or call me every other day always asking if she is not disturbing. She never wanted to bother or burden me in any way, probably because I acted bothered and burdened when I was younger. And because off all the rejections and traumas that affected her life.

My mother is right now in-between 3 worlds. She could die in any second. Just like any of us. If a dear one is in danger of loosing their physical life then bam we become hyper present and see what we have, what we should do differently right now, what we should appreciate more, what should we blow more of our attention on (I use this metaphor because that’s how I trick my mind into believing that I am smoking consciously and usefully) and why breathing and living through our cosmic hearts is the ultimate thing to do. There is no suffering there.

Soul sister Letitia told me recently to give mother this message: “there is no award given for suffering…nothing…the time we have, let’s make it be a good one and enJOY the ones we love so much”. My friend has had terminal cancer for more than 4 years now and she relentlessly but at the same calmly has broken all doctor’s life expectancy estimates.

so lucky to have these cosmic parents guiding my steps

My mother discovered her left breast cancer about 8 years ago. She was initially scared but that did not last long. After the first two years the growth was minimal and voices that made sense told us that at her age this condition does evolve very slowly and that surgery is a bad idea that could make things worse — a common belief.

I was more of a kid now than I am today and trusted her feelings and held space for her to do what she wanted. Treating the cancer with plants, love and consciousness or just ignoring the well known path to the grave, the most popular one, any way.

My intention with this piece of article is to appreciate and honour my mother and humbly hope that reading it while camping with buddies in the mountains or beach hopping with your family could trigger the start of more healing into your life. Or actively appreciating how everybody who will read this line will send a love-filled healing thought towards Mama Ani.

Coming back to the story, my mother is not really fond of hospitals or doctors, except a few that she knows from her amazing youth being in service at the most erudite and culture awakener institute from that time — the Students Culture House from Bucharest, Romania — “Casa de cultura Grigore Preoteasa”, being around bands that are huge now and back then were just brainstorming for a name and doing jams at friends & kids parties to test their performance.

Those were some amazing years for her, being one of the key holders of this vibrant community that was probably experiencing their first psychedelic wave, in Romania.

beauty stops you and starts healing you instantly

That’s where she had her wedding, that’s were I went to my first theater plays or purged first time after drinking too much alcohol at a party. Used to think we grow up and we change the quality of alcohol we consume but realised we sometimes change the whole practice all together, always replacing it with something a little bit closer to our hearts.

And speaking of hearts, there are countless times when I heard stories from her wedding — hope to find a picture from that moment — and how they danced on “I have a dream” by ABBA.

Saturday (today as I write) I spent two hours with her in intensive care. She is intubated after the 5h long surgery she had the night before. I was allowed to stay only 10 minutes but after strategically positioning my body on the floor in meditation I managed to get away and spend with her the whole 2 hours that was the visitors interval. At one moment, out of nowhere — I started humming “I have a dream” and after realising how appropriate the lyrics where, I had to stand and hum closer to my mothers ear. I ended up singing the full song, as good and quietly as I could, not to disturb other patients. I noticed her pulse dropped from 125–130 to 110–115 after I finished singing.

I have a dream, a song to sing
To help me cope with anything
If you see the wonder of a fairy tale
You can take the future even if you fail
I believe in angels
Something good in everything I see
I believe in angels
When I know the time is right for me
I’ll cross the stream, I have a dream
I have a dream, a fantasy
To help me through reality
And my destination makes it worth the while
Pushing through the darkness still another mile
I believe in angels
Something good in everything I see
I believe in angels
When I know the time is right for me
I’ll cross the stream, I have a dream
I’ll cross the stream, I have a dream
I have a dream, a song to sing
To help me cope with anything
If you see the wonder of a fairy tale
You can take the future even if you fail
I believe in angels
Something good in everything I see
I believe in angels
When I know the time is right for me
I’ll cross the stream, I have a dream
I’ll cross the stream, I have a dream

Mothers are the ones bringing life to this world. They are the sacred gates to our 3D reality and the teachers we so very much need.

Born out of Nature. One of the most beautiful processes in the universe. Art by Edward Foster

Witnessing a woman metamorphosing from a clumsy sexy teenager to a young woman, a mother, a lost woman, a found woman, a wild in her power woman with a conscious desire to grow, is something I was lucky enough to experience with my beloved partner. The motherhood part is by far the stage that influenced her the most.

Through Romania Healing I got to experience some healing modalities that put a lot of attention on healing our relationship with our parents and specifically our mothers. Some of these modalities, like family constellations, allow me to understand the importance of honouring our families, our ancestors, the ones that we owe our physical existence too.

honouring and including in our active appreciation efforts ALL family members

My 9 year old daughter Ioana reminded me of this today when we went to the neighbourhood shop where I met the only two salesladies thatI knew (we moved to Brasov 3 years ago). Synchronicities everywhere, one was on the job and the other one was shopping just like me. I asked them if they know my mother. And they did! As “Mama Ani” and they have a special chair for her to rest when she comes shopping and always send her stuff through the cleaning lady or a neighbour. Feels like Brooklyn, but it’s just Bucharest. And they clearly appreciate and love her and my daughter was surprised — “everybody knows Maia!”. I picked up the idea and tried to tell my daughter the story of how when we prepare to depart this world is not necessary to be known by everybody but rather try and be in service, bring joy in people’s lives, shine brightly wherever you are and be present but she interrupted my grandiose idea by saying that “you only need to be remembered by one person”, referring to the beautiful family constellation animation — Coco.

My mother had always the feeling that my daughter is more reserved, maybe sometimes does not like her that much and I told my daughter that she has no part in that but just that my mother had a horrific childhood that impairs her views on life, that hold her back unless she releases all the suffering and trauma.

My mother never knew her father. Neither did I and doing some healing on my relationship with him in an San Pedro ceremony surprised me back then. Her mother abandoned her and she was adopted by her grandmother. Stories go as far as her young young self was traveling alone with the train throughout the country to find her mother in various summer jobs to spend some weeks in her company, only to return in an attic she shared with her (grand)mother before moving in a 2 room apartment in the then outskirts of Bucharest.

family constellations

Wildly hard childhood, teenage years that she spend becoming an European running champion, going to Physical Education University and later on to History/Geography only to become one of the most loved country teachers from the small village of Merii Petchii, Romania — village that strangely enough is just the space between two churches, one dedicated to the birth of Mother Mary and one dedicated to the departure of the same Divinity.

Falling in love with my father was a beautiful part of her life and I bet they had some amazing amazing years together, camping on beaches and enjoying their bodies and hearts. Unfortunately, at some point, my father also brought some wounds in her life, not being always loyal, and I am going to stop here with that.

Back to present moment I took my mother to the hospital Friday noon only to have our scenario confirmed by the doctors — intestinal occlusion and in the same night she went through the most complex and risky surgery in her life, a 5 hours procedure. Going in to cure the occlusion and an umbilical hernia doctors found colon cancer and removed the affected part and things got even more complicated and risky. Mama Ani has minimal chances of survival and that’s why I said she is dancing between the 3 worlds.

we are the creators of the turning points in our life. make good use of that.

My lesson so far was to embrace her decision, no matter if she wants to go home towards the light or finding the courage and power to come back for a titanic recovery effort so that she will be able to enjoy her nephews and life more.

Art by Travis Bedel.

I appreciate the teachings I received on heart focused breathing and how our heart can transmute any suffering into love. I tested these techniques successfully on my daughter and she recovered in a night from a horrible flu.

I am breathing consciously through my heart, breathing in all the suffering and efforts her organs are going through right now and breathing out regenerative love stings of thousands of godsent hummingbirds that dance in and out her body. Best thing I could think of, so far.

honouring our bringers to life

Observing my mother’s life holds many lessons and if I could summarise the main chapters they would be:

  • Always appreciate what you have and the people that you get to meet and interact with in your life
  • Nobody is responsible for your happiness
  • Blow your attention on things that matter and help you grow. What you appreciate, appreciates.
  • Shine your light on others by being helpful without expecting anything in return
  • The suffering other people make you go through is not a reflection of something inside you but an outpour of their internal suffering and traumas
  • There is no award given for suffering
  • Love yourself fierce-fully. Love your body and take good care of it, it’s the only travel vehicle we have in this world and only by loving ourselves we get to enjoy expressing unconditional love towards the others
  • “You begin to want to be in love all the time, and the quality of love is like the quality of awareness. It has no boundary to it. It is not romantic love I’m talking about — it is a quality of being, where we are in love.” — Ram Dass
  • Hyper presence and heart focused breathing are inner peace and healing blessings that are always available to you
  • Honour your parents and ancestors but don’t take on their suffering out of unconscious loyalty
  • Be thankful and actively appreciate the health you are getting back and the healing process you are going through
  • Respect others healing process and hold spaces for their decisions
  • Wish and encourage people to have the experiences that are best for them, not the experiences you wish they had — my daughter said this thinking about Mama Ani — “I want her to have what is best for her”
  • Use every step, every breath, every dish you wash, every word you say to focus you attention in the direction your heart wants to go; be mindful and heartful.
  • Include in your daily practice and prayers all family members, close ones and not so close ones, the ones you knew and the ones you did not meet. visualise all the generations behind you and all the ones in front of you and be the healing catalyst in your family, present and future generations
  • Every healing process we go through heals generations before and after us
  • Never stop growing
  • Challenge the status quo
  • Appreciate and praise the qualities you see in your kids — it’ s the only way to make them grow. What you appreciate, appreciates.
  • Spend as much quality time as you can with your loved ones but don’t depend on them — jump in frequently in the love bus that drives us through life
  • Enjoy the endless ride towards knowing yourself and remembering who you are
  • Stay present, it’s the only time construct that really exists
  • Memories from the past and expectations from the future are the same though energy. create your future by living in the present
  • We are one cosmic heart and being in service is the best thing we can do to each other and to ourselves
  • Sail la vie
  • Live you life as you are in a ceremony that has a start, a middle part and an end but always brings infinite gifts that our immortal selves can enjoy and use

With this I’m inviting you all to the cosmic celebration of my mother’s life, with the easy, the not so easy, the love-filled moments and the ones that needed more love and appreciation — it’s basically the best ceremony you could go to — you are the host and the beneficiary at the same time, it does not cost you anything monetary, you can do it at any time, in any place and you can give it as much time as you want.

And in this exact moment, you can RSVP to the most amazing life celebration ceremony just by sending some love and healing breath of life to my mother and to your own heart that still beats in her.

Gracias madre Ayahuasca. Gracias cosmic mother.

Another way to help.

Mihai Akunay. Consciousness explorer and loving son of Mama Ani.

To my mother, 
who’s egg I chose, 
before i took one breath upon this Planet, 
i forgive all that was not love and caused separation.
I thank you for the gift of life, 
I let go of my guilt,
my regret
and my anger.
To my father,
who’s seed I chose,
before I took one breath upon this planet,
I forgive all that was not love and caused a separation.
I thank you for the gift of life,
I let go of my guilt,
my regret
and my anger.
Brothers and sisters,
I thank you for the gift of reflection,
I let go of my guilt, my regret and my anger.

Update: My mother passed away in the hospital, Tuesday 14 August, 18:55

Sleeping at last, mama!

the love that made me possible

Thank you for life! And for the love that made me possible. The love that you shared with my dad in the moment this picture was taken. You are again together now. My cosmic parents. My guardians and teachers. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

You taught me the courage of stars before you left
How light carries on endlessly even after death
With shortness of breath you explained the infinite
How rare and beautiful it is to even exist