How I met my mother — 12

Diksha time!

Please click here for part eleven.

Now it was just me and Swami Ji in the meeting room. He was larger than life. I was melting away in his presence. It suddenly dawned on me that he is my Krishna, my Divine Ma; He always was everything and everyone around me. His shining halo is so bright, calm, and soothing. I couldn’t absorb his Vishal Roop (his form), so I closed my eyes. I bowed down to Him, offering my complete surrender. Om Swami Ji began the rituals with mudras and mantras. I was not weeping anymore.

I received my Diksha. I wish I could say that I saw the golden light pouring in me, or I had a super sensation thought out my body, and my brain was tingling, etc. No, nothing like that happened to me. No dramatic scene here.

I am home

The only thing I could say, I felt like I was home now. My desperate search is done. I have no emptiness in my heart; full of love. I am not lost anymore. I am one with my magnificent, glorious Guruji. Yes, he always was and is my Guru. What bliss!

For this stubborn and ignorant disciple (I had no memories of my previous life, nor was I capable of understanding the real meditation experience), he did perform the Diksha ritual in this life body form to make me happy.

From that instant, somehow, he changed from Om Swami Ji to Guruji for me. Did I call him Guruji in my previous life? I don’t know, I don’t have an answer for that, but I know in my heart that he is my Guruji.

गुरुर्ब्रह्मा ग्रुरुर्विष्णुः गुरुर्देवो महेश्वरः
गुरुः साक्षात् परं ब्रह्म तस्मै श्री गुरवे नमः

(Guru is Lord Brahma, Guru is Lord Vishnu and Guru is Lord Shiva.
Guru is verily the Supreme God. I offer my salutation to such a Guru.) I surrendered every drop of my body, mind, and soul at his feet, my complete surrender.

Guruji and the Divine Ma

Later, when we talked, I said to him, “Guruji, can I tell you something?”

Guruji said, “Yes.”

I said, “Guruji when I was meditating this afternoon in my room, I saw you sitting in this very room, exactly the way you are sitting right now. I was exactly at the same place, sitting at your feet, and you put your hand over my head. I didn’t realize that you gave me Diksha that time, but now I know. Plus, I saw Divine Ma standing on my….”

Guruji sharply looked at my right side and smiled.

“Yes, on my right side” how did he know? I didn’t even complete my sentence yet. But then, he knows everything.

“Is she still there? Can I see her”?

I turned my face to the right. All I could feel was the strongest energy and divinity. I didn’t see the Divine form; I couldn’t hug Her. I wanted to rest in her lap. I miss her so much.

Oh, so gently, with so much love in his voice, he asked me, “Happy?”

I nodded yes, like a little child with the biggest smile.

Yes, I was happy, I was so pleased. I wanted to dance and sing loudly (which would not have been a very pleasant or appealing sight for anyone).

Perhaps, I was not ready to experience Divine ma’s darshan in form yet, but one thing I could confirm is that I got the validation; what I see in my meditation is not just my imagination. Divine gave me a glimpse of the future.

Meditation is a door to reach out to Guruji and Divine Ma.

After a few other conversations, our meeting ended. I was not ready to be apart from Guruji yet. I just found him, and now it’s time to go. Those 180 seconds were gone and many more with it, but I needed many more minutes with him. I dragged my feet towards the door. I couldn’t dare to show him my back. I asked him again, “I don’t want to go. Can I stay”?

He said,” Sona, usually it takes about a year, and you will be ready in a year for sure, but I see you are going to be ready and here in 3 months”. I bowed to him one more time (Koti pranam), accepted his words as my prasad, and came outside the meeting room.

He knows it all

I walked out of the meeting room a different person than the one who entered the room. I feel complete now; I have a guruji in my every breath. The emptiness and that struggle I was experiencing inside me, those questions of Why am I alive? What am I waiting for? What am I supposed to do with this life? Why don’t these material things make me happy? Why do I feel they are not real? Why do I think that my life is not real? Why. Why. and so many why’s. They are all gone. I know what I am supposed to do. I found my path. I am heading directly to the Divine Ma. Now, I am in a good place.

Guruji is so full of mystery; what will I be ready for in three months? What am I supposed to do? I can’t come back to India in three months from the US. It’s impossible. Financially, logistically, geographically, and practically, it is NOT possible. No way!

Well, little did I know!

Please click here for part thirteen.