How I Met My Mother — 11

Speak now or behold forever!

Please click here for part ten.

There was silence for a few seconds after Shubs received her blessings from Om Swami Ji. Now, for sure, it was my turn, and I was still teary. I was having a hard time putting myself together. Swami Ji looked at me, gave me a box of tissues, and said, “Sona, you have to ask me that question; unless you ask me, I can’t answer you. You have come a long way, so now it’s the right time to ask me.”

I just nodded no; I couldn’t ask him anything. I was too emotional (at this point, I wasn’t sure why, and I started getting annoyed at myself because I had bazillion questions to ask). Again, very firmly, he looked straight into my eyes and said, “Yes, you can; you have to ask me THE question.” After hearing that loving but firm tone, somehow, I gathered myself together, and with all my strength and mental power, in a very meek voice, full of respect and love, I finally asked him one question!

I asked him THE question!

It went something like this:

“I would like to see the Divine, be with the Divine. If you can help me get there, I would like to be your disciple. Swami Ji, I have accepted you as my guru in my heart. Would you accept me as your disciple and show me the path to be with the Divine?”

(Well, this was the question that popped up in my head that time, I am not certain if I asked him in this particular manner and exact wording, I was barely aware of what was coming out of my mouth, but regardless, Swami Ji understood.)

If I remember correctly, he said, “See, it wasn’t that hard, was it? Sona, you know the answer to your question. I have already accepted you as my disciple, and you know that. Don’t you remember?” I just nodded no.

He continued, “But if you want, we can do the ritual of Diksha, in this life body form, again for you.”

I couldn’t grasp what he was talking about.

a) I was too emotional to comprehend the situation.

b) Is he talking about the meditation in Dallas where I saw him putting his hand on my head? But then, I have seen him holding my hand, flying in the cosmos, showing me the galaxies and beyond the universe a few times. I have witnessed Divine ma sitting happily next to Swami Ji and me, just sitting at their feet. So, was it all real? Not just my imagination? It can’t be! Or is it?

c) Or maybe he talking about the past life as he used the word “this life body form”? How would I remember my past life? I usually am unaware of where I keep my car keys, and my past life is a far stretch. I am just an ignorant human. Why! Why can’t I remember this?

d) Wait, forget about all that. Is he saying he is ready to accept me as his disciple? And, did he say he has already done this for me in the past? Was I always have been his disciple?

I started slowly weeping again. I didn’t know what to say. I was happy, thrilled, but very disappointed at myself (for not remembering) at the same time.

I remember blabbering, “Yes, I would like to do it again, but I don’t visit India often, maybe once in five to seven years. Plus, we are leaving tonight, heading to Pune. My father is not well, and I have to take care of him. I don’t know when I will be back here again. I needed many more tissue papers this time, and my Divine was ready with a whole box.

When the Divine loves you

Swami Ji smiled again; this time, He laughed, (I am sure he must be thinking, such an ignorant, silly and cry baby devotee he got. Yes, I agree, that whole situation must be a little funny and silly, but not for me) very kindly he said: “Well, let me solve your problem, I don’t want you to cry anymore. Let me make it easy for you. I will give you Diksha, let’s do the formalities right now”.

Again, with extreme ignorance, I said “Now? Now? Right now? Can you do that?” What about the wait for a year or two, the formalities of filling out the request form, etc.?

(Duh, Sona! He is the OM SWAMI! You are in his ashram and asking if HE can do it? But as everyone knows, my words always rush before going through the thought process most of the time, and I need to work on mindfulness!)

He was calm; with a very soft smile, HE said, “Yes, I can do this now.” Politely, I just nodded, “ok.”

Love with rejections!

I immediately asked him if he could give me Sannyasa as well. I want to live in an ashram and leave everything behind. He replied, “NO! You are not ready for that now. Plus, you are going to do bigger things in Dallas and outside; you need to be there. There will be a time, but not now”.

In my mind, I think that there is nothing in Dallas for me; both my kids live out of Dallas, and there is absolutely no reason for me to be there. But like a good disciple, I accepted his decision, no counter question out loud, but just a few ifs and but’s in mind.

By this time, Swami Vidyananda Ji opened the door as our 3 mins were over. Om Swami Ji politely asked Shubs to step outside and told Swami Vidyananda Ji that he would be giving me Diksha. Shubs accepted blessings, paid her obeisance to Swami Ji’s feet, and stepped outside with Swami Vidyananda Ji.

Please click here for part 12

PS: Most of the conversation with Swami Ji, what I said and he said they are from my current memory and are correct as I remember, but maybe different words were used at that time. But please note that the message is the same.