What do Holidays mean around the world? What role do family, friends, and the rest of the society play in it?
Thousand Reflections by Sandbox
Issue #41
About Thousand Reflections: Sandbox is full of people from all walks of life and background. Here, we try to tap into this collective wisdom by offering a prompt every month and sourcing short responses from the members.
This Month’s prompt
The end of the Western year’s festive season is full of negative emotions, from drama to stress and hypocrisies, from commercialization to family feuds, and of waste, from food to plastic and paper. But that’s not what we want to feel in a time of reflection, of selfless love, and of reunion. So what do these holidays mean to you? To your friends & family? And what can we do to make them better? What will you do this year to make them better?
As the Lunar New Year approaches I am reminded that such millennial rituals always share one goal — become closer to your close ones. However, most reunions end up in a sense of relief anticipating the comfortable distance that grows during the rest of the year. The repetition of the scheduled event makes it easy for people to forget what makes them a group and diminishes their willingness to strengthen such bonds outside the agreed ritual.
I love rituals, though. I think they have a great function of forcing to remind ourselves of what’s important, of what happened in between, and how time passes by even if we don’t want it to. But it’s key for us to not use them as a shortcut. Even if one lives away today there are few excuses for digital connection, which sometimes can be much more real than the passive relationships of people who live under the same city or region.
So, this year I’ll try to be closer to my close ones. Open to more quality time with them. And at the same time closer to myself. What is better to avoid negative emotions and drama-inducing moments than being comfortable with who you are and keep improving towards who you want to be. What is better than getting to know people in order to choose gifts that are actually loved by them. What is better than looking forward to next Christmas?
While I know that December and Christmas is a time of great stress for a lot of people, it’s actually my favorite time of year. Autumn and winter are my favorite seasons, and I think I never lost a certain childlike wonder for the lights, the festivities, and the magic of the holiday.
I think in many ways my experience of it these days is probably more a nostalgic memory than an actual experience. It’s hard to duplicate the wonder of being a kid and lying under the Christmas tree and staring at the lights, wondering what Santa will bring this year, or the joy of waking up in the morning to see what’s under the tree. It’s very rarely a white Christmas when you want it. But still, whether it’s the memory or not, it’s always a special time.
As I’ve gotten older and live abroad, the holidays signify the only time in the year when I actually see my family in person, not just on a skype call. Before my parents left Colorado, the state I grew up, it was the only time I could talk to my aunts, uncles, and cousins, a time to reconnect with the mountains, and just be at home. In the past couple years, I’ve spent Christmas abroad, and though with family, it’s hard to recreate the festive, magical feeling in an unfamiliar place. Maybe I won’t have it again until (and if) I have my own family, and my own house. Maybe it’s just part of growing up.
I do believe that things become significant if we give them significance, and so I try to be intentional about this time of year — not to give into the stress of buying, but instead to focus on the joy and the celebration of it.
I grew up in a Muslim majority country, where holidays means mostly Eid’, Eid al-Adha an Eid al-Fitr.
Holidays in my life recently have not been same as they were in my childhood. There was more joy and happiness when we were little kids and used to travel back to our ancestral village to celebrate the Eid festival. There were long vacations, hanging out with cousins all crowded into a small village for a few days, sharing with each other how our year has been or so, meeting grand parents or other extended family members. It was magical.
But as we grew up, we became busy with work and other things. Vacations also became shorter, we stopped going back to village, our grandparents passed away and many people with whom we went to visit weren’t there anymore. The extended family also broke in parts. Somehow it got harder to recreate that joy.
In six year following my father’s death, I’ve continued to go back to our village to celebrate Eid with my uncles and their families. However, as they have their own families now, I have to distribute my time with them, or take part in at least one meal in each of their homes. The Eid Festival is also an occasion to commemorate family members who have passed away in accordance with Muslim tradition, and as my father, brothers, and grandparents are buried in that village, I do not want to lose the opportunity to pray for them.
Last year, however, I stayed in the city for the festivals. For some reason I didn’t feel like I wanted to be around my extended family members or the remains of those buried.
In coming years, I think I will visit the village again. But these days, to me festival is just another day like all the rest. I’ll buy gifts for my other family members but I don’t feel like the festivals are very special days anymore. Maybe if I ever start a family, festivals may create more joy in my life, though for now that’s how I feel.
If you are a member of Sandbox and want to share your thoughts please send your reflection to Shihab Uddin (shihabu@outlook.com) in the next weeks.
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