Getting Over The Fear of Dogs
Baby steps initiated.
For the longest time, I’ve been petrified of dogs. Loud barking makes me numb and I try to be lifeless like I’m around a bear (because that way they don’t attack right? RIGHT?). I’ve been told that dogs sense fear so I’m usually trying to subconsciously inhibit those ‘vibes’. I’m super awkward around the quiet ones. Cuchicooing a dog is not a reflex. I’m not sure how to pet, what to pet, the appropriate intensity of a pet. If a dog is approaching, I usually make a drawn out curve and then once it’s safe get back on the footpath.
Like all kids at one point, I did want a dog.
Books and movies make them so endearing. I realize now that growing up in Dubai we did none of the things normal kids do — camping outdoors, swimming in the beach, playing with dogs. Seriously, no one in my close circle of friends had a pet dog. It was expensive, a rarity, a luxury.
Over the years, it somehow registered as a kind of phobia. I never saw dogs growing up, never saw people around me play with pets. It led to a kind of nonchalance when I was in India (where pets are far more common), towards harmless stray dogs that were met with coos and cuddles.
Not being dog crazy can pretty much sabotage your career growth.
I don’t have a car and I don’t do dogs, so I’m basically ineligible to entry level positions in Hollywood. Out here in the US of A, the dog love goes from companionship to something-to-spoil — doggy spas, bubble baths, elaborate treats and clothes and a whole industry that I’m so out of touch with. And though it isn’t stated as blatantly, cold shoulder my dog and your dead to me operates on some level. Work spaces are increasingly getting dog friendly. More and more people are bringing their dog to work, or have a company dog, irrespective of field (yay start ups).
But even on the home front, things were getting tricky as almost everyone in my apartment has a dog. Barking, jumping mutts that render me prisoner in my own house. All set to head out and I’ll hear the two giant pitbulls next door rumbling in the corridor, which means me looking anxiously through the keyhole an extra few minutes waiting for the coast to clear.
At some point, I got tired of this and began to want to be a dog person. It set in as an unconscious motive when I started reading about unconditional love. Being single in this time and age, hits hardest when it comes to authentic connection. You get a fleeting bit of emotional intimacy from your friends, who are also struggling with the instability of one’s 20s (or even 30s tbh). Relationships can give you that soul food in the long term, over a period of time. Since people aren’t so giving so quick, it makes sense why single people almost always have pets. I suspect there’s a type of uninhibited affection and attention that only a dog can give you. It’s unmatched to what any human can give because it’s truly unconditional, from the dog’s end.
A Trip To A Humane Pet Shop (a.k.a The Pound)
Enough of hiding at home and making anxious eye contact with oblivious dog owners! Moreover, it was time I allowed myself to experience this possibly special kind of love.
I asked my friend Dean to accompany me to a an animal shelter, determined to redefine my relationship with dogs. He suggested Bark n Bitches, A Retail Pet Shop in WeHo and too soon, we were at the entrance. The lady at the counter told us to quickly enter and the minute we made it past those doors, dogs dogs everywhere. Rank odor of dog pee and a gang of barking, jumping dogs surrounded us. I stood there mentally freaking out — why couldn’t I take baby steps with anything?! — as Dean tirelessly explained dog psychology (the good ol don’t set them off with your anxiety) and behavior. Apparently the two mutts baring their teeth and going at each others’ necks were just being playful. It got so wild and raucous that the lady had to ring a bell a few times. She then told me that if I’m doing okay on a day like this, I’m fine (AAAAAAYYYYYYYYY).
Besides the many rambunctious ones, there were a few just lounging around, resting and such and this tiny guy caught my eye. He seemed tired and I didn’t want to intrude his space but Dean said it would be fine to pet the little fellow and so I casually did JUST THAT! PICTORIAL EVIDENCE Y’ALL:
Very soon, Dean was already talking dog proofing and solutions for my days at work. Clearly, he overestimated my success.
It’s not about responsibility.
In that regard, I’m the non conformist single gal. Way better around babies and I don’t particularly love wine. I have an overcompensating, care-taking personality and I’m currently working on boundaries. Love like you’ve never loved before — #1 BS because people who have no boundaries very, very rarely do that sort of thing with the right people.
But back to dogs. Sure, a part of it was I’m a total wuss and loud noises and aggressive behavior scare me. But at the heart of it, I think I’ve never been able to wrap my head around pets because I have always considered dogs equals. Would I like to be petted on the head when I’m minding my own business, chilling on the couch?
It’s about equality.
I realize not many people empathize that literally with dogs. The only boundaries Little Marcus (in the picture) knew were territorial. He snarled at others who came a little too close. So much licking and cuddling. It warmed my heart. I finally got the memes and the heaven is full of puppies image.
The bond between humans and dogs is of codependence. Nobody will make you feel as needed as a loving dog. Dogs weren’t meant to be domesticated. We sort of reduced them to that. Accessories bred to satisfy our need for companionship. I can’t understand people fawning over pups but being indifferent to dying chickens. It’s not about humane treatment, that’s the bare minimum. You are expected to be nice to your pet. I still can’t get over selective breeding. Why are we doing the same thing we do to little girls to dogs? Grooming them for appearance? Regardless,
This is still a heroic post about me getting over a phobia!
Props to mindfulness and mediation, which made it possible to break away from 25 years of a particular way of thinking. It tells me more about who I am — an idealist. The world feels most unfair to us.
As for dogs, I love you guys and apologize for the neediness of my kind. It’s gotten to a point where you guys need us just as much, I understand. Nothing can be done at this point except admire your cuteness, loyalty and spirit. Hopefully, we’ll stop breeding you and do the work of internally sourced love.
Special mention to Disney’s Fox and The Hound for complicating my feelings about pets.
