Balighai: An Ashram Experience
I spent four days at Balighai Ashram in Puri, Odisha earlier this year — barely a couple of months after the big move from L.A. to Dubai. When you’ve been away from the fam about 5 years with just short breaks in between, you can think you’ll be fine solo. I wore my ‘detachment’ with pride. My peeve then was this new lack of privacy and space to call my own so I thought the solitude would be a treat, really.
I’d never been to an Ashram, never to Odisha (which was still Orissa in my head). The internet has very few pics or info about this Ashram and Prajnana Mission and from what little I’d gathered, the only heads up I got from my family friend was that food would be very bland. I thought it would be like Eat Pray Love. *cue laughs*(fyi, every Ashram in India functions differently).
Out here, the food was hardly what threw me off. It was the overwhelming feeling of aloneness. Perhaps doubly felt because of my last week in Gauhati with the bestie. I remember feeling burdened with the weight of realizing that THIS is what renunciation meant. I sometimes make this passing comment when things get too stressful — “oh I’m going to give this all up and move to an Ashram” — but when faced with the prospect of leaving everything, no going back, all my pretense came undone. It was glaringly obvious that it would hurt. I thought of my mom, friends, unfinished projects, and everything I know and considered giving it all up for a moment and it left me in tears.
Yes, somewhere deep down I was silly enough to think that I could handle it owing to ‘all my life experience’. Not to deride me too much, the disappointment was also because I am vested in my spiritual growth. Kriya Yoga came into my life in an interesting way and for the past many months, I had started to meditate far more regularly. It tends to happen that we see the end of the line and start approaching that as a goal but that’s not how this path works, as my fave Charlie Ambler often reminds us.
It made me think of prison — where everyone wears the same outfit, specific meal times with bland food and the work is some kind of chore (known as seva in an Ashram).
If a prisoner were to follow the routine there with the right mindset, he’d effectively be working out his karma and enhancing spiritual growth. Really, if you think about it, the prison system is a method to speeden the karmic fallout of inmates in a very systematic way. Props to our wise ancestors.
There were no other visitors at the time. The people there were the monks of the order who were busy with their routines. Food was served at 7am, 1pm, 8pm. No snacks in between. Being a completely donation supported organization, the rooms were very modest — just aluminium beds with mattresses, fans, a tiny mirror and visits by different insects since this Ashram, like most others, is in a forest. I had my journal with me, where I recorded states of my mind which at first — unsurprisingly — were highly panicked and emotional. Meditation was incredibly hard in this new environment. However, it all got progressively better, with a lot of divine help. I’m not going to go into the wonderful details for it could run pages and pages.
These pictures were taken on Day 2. I had to find a way to keep myself occupied. My phone and laptop were not in use throughout the trip and I don’t think I ‘cheated’ by using my camera — a form of technology — because in a way it is totally a meditative activity (right?) Enjoy the pics! Lots of green.
Balighai Ashram has been wrecked due to Cyclone Fani and is in shambles. Pls consider making a donation to help re-instate this beautiful Ashram. The Ashram’s community initiatives would also greatly benefit from your generosity ❤
