Why I’m Doing a #30DayContentChallenge
… Cuz I need more deadline induced stress in my life.
This piece was written on Nov 27th 2017, published Jan 2018.
I’m still spooked by the Spring of 2016.
Jan, Feb 2016. When I really got to know the monsters in my head. It was a very dark time that in reality stretched over six months, but these two months were the hardest. I would wake up, try, fail, roll over. I’m such a trier and doer and to see myself be that motionless and paralyzed — impact of a very toxic relationship and general harassment by life — it scarred me.
Nov 2017 I was jolted into that moment — for a few seconds — and I lost the rest of the evening reacting to that stimulus. It all came back to me so vividly. Waking up, everything ‘right’, house clean, me applying to jobs, writing enthusiastic cover letters, silence, obsessing over texts, not getting any phone calls, trapped. Very trapped. I couldn’t make the best out of that situation for some time.
Two years ago, around this time, I was a fragile person just about to learn some truths about herself and life in general. I would record voice notes. Conversations with myself. Pep talks. I tried to bake and cook new stuff, which usually fizzled out quickly because ingredients cost money and hey, I’m not making any of that. I tried volunteering and for the first time, it was unfulfilling. A crucial lesson that you cannot NOT look inwards and numb your experience with ‘service’. I give props to myself for making lists of sightseeing spots — some forcible city exploration.
That Sandhya though, she’s a real one. She overcame some crazy odds. She started to meditate with intention when it was the hardest to keep her eyes shut. You don’t know when you’re in the thick of that kind of dull, dormant depression if you’re ever going to come out of it, what is the meaning of it, why, so many whys. It’s so profound and amazing that I’m here, I’m okay and more than killing it.
Around that time, I had this hopelessly relevant, perfect idea of doing a 30 Day Content Challenge.
It excited me so much. Making this Excel sheet probably took up one whole night. I probably stopped in my tracks by questioning what the point of this was when I didn’t have a salaried job.
BUT! Things have looked up since and it is finally time to make it happen. See that goal through. I’m doing a 30 Day Content Challenge this December — a fine way to close this year out & ring in 2018. Thirty days of content ranging from blog posts and funny videos to cool pictures and song covers. Here’s wishing me luck because going by today’s productivity, this is going to be 100% challenge.
