The New Teacher

A Monologue

“A little boy playing with a lego set in Erlangen” by Markus Spiske on Unsplash

AN: I found this while digging around some old schoolwork, and I had to share. My assignment: a 1–2 minute monologue for my playwriting class, to be delivered by a specific actor or character of our choosing. — Zx

Originally written for TA 114 at Victor Valley College, 
Playwriting with Prof. Ed Heaberlin.


[AT RISE: A pre-school classroom. Children are sleeping on small mats; there is no teacher present. ANNALISE KEATING sweeps in.]

ANNALISE: Who told you that you were allowed to sleep? Who told you that it was time to sleep? Get up, get up! I don’t know who gave you the idea that you could lay down on the ground during the middle of the school day, but that is not how things happen around here. We do not do lazy, lazy does not happen in my classroom.

Get up, all of you, and start putting those mats away. I don’t care if you’re sleepy. I don’t care if Miss Sarah does things differently, do I look like Miss Sarah to you? I didn’t think so. Make sure you fold those blankets nice and neat. I’m not going to come back and clean up after you.

You can put those animal crackers away, and the juice boxes, too. What you do on your own time is your own business, but you do not eat during my lecture. I don’t do sticky hands, and I don’t do messes on the carpet, so don’t you dare even think about sneaking. Put it all back.

I see you there, little girl. Don’t think I didn’t see you. Put all of those back, now. You don’t want to cross me. I said no. Now put those animal crackers in the trash can, right now. Don’t make me tell you twice.

No, Miss Sarah isn’t coming back. Don’t ask me about her, and I won’t have to tell you something that will scar you for life. Just say goodbye to her. You can say goodbye to your half days, and your finger paints, and those rusty little tricycles outside, too. I’m your new teacher, Ms. Annelise. It will be hard, damn near impossible, but I am that good: I will teach all of you preschoolers how to get away with murder.