- Solving
- Balancing
- Reflecting and putting things into perspective
- Clarifing and analyzing
- Define the good things
Life is tough sometimes or pretty often, depends. We give our best, work hard, care so much about the things we do. But then something or someone stops it from happening, things fail, values crash, expectations for do match, people lack engagement, progress stagnates, conflicts arise. It is overwhelming to live in a fight-or-flight state from the second you wake up til the late restless hour in the bed. The feeling of anxiety rush in the chest and in the brain which is triggered even by a non-harmful thought, night sweats, and continued arguing in your head - says clearly one thing - this has to be cured. Anxiety and constant pressure if not taken seriously may cause a permanent damage called chronic stress. Being anxious becomes a norm, people get use to being in an anxious state.
This is my action plan, a to-do list on how to reduce anxiety, lower stress, create breathing space, bring balance back to life, and get rid of constant fight-or-flight state. It is a brainstormed list of ideas and actions that have helped me or people I know.
How to reduce anxiety
- Solving
Talk with a person who is involved in the conflict. Talk with a person who you are angry with, person who is involved in the project that causes overwhelming emotions, person who you have to deliver to. Be totally honest and totally calm.
Write down everything that is not going the way you want, every fact and emotion about it. Write down how you want this situation to be, how this should be solved if it was 100% up to you.
With a person involved, reschedule responsibilities. Make a new plan for to-dos based on realistic expectations.
Make a new plan. Draw down your opportunities objectively, possible next steps. Mark what is a thing number one you are going to do/agree on, and what is a thing number two you are going to do. Do it and give it a time.
Remain calm. Relax. No one is going to die (unless they are). Anyway, say motivating and optimistic things to yourself, support yourself. Your head needs to be clear to carry out your plan and not walk into worse decisions.
Solution starts from understanding what emotions and needs are involved. What makes you angry? What makes you cry? This is a root for a reason that needs a solution.
Analyzing. How am I complicit in creating the conditions I say I don’t want. What am I not saying that needs to be said? What am I saying that’s not being heard? What’s being said that I’m not hearing? Do you need more commitment, consideration, understanding, empathy, support, companionship? When I feel the disappointment of the unmet need, I ask myself whether I can accept that this need is not being met over a longer time? Depending on the answer, what can I do to change it.
2. Balancing
Intense workload. Increase the number of hours each evening for your private life, Monday to Friday.
Set a limit f.ex “my laptop/computer is closing latest at 18:00”. Train right after work to make a clear break between work and private life. Training is a bridge. If you go straight from work to home, it is easy to keep grinding about the work and open your computer again.
Make a weekday evening as great as Saturday — add some air between the days — go watch a movie in the cinema, order-sushi-and-drink-wine evening, go to sauna with a friend, take a beer outside your home.
Consume art, a play in the theater, enjoy a concert. Get out of your conflict bubble, stress context.
Change the environment: work from a new place not loaded with triggers, stressors. Just for a day, maybe even half of the day or for a whole week. Work from the art center, rent a cabin, work on your own, work in total silence far away from anyone, or get social, go to office, get some life around you. Get variation.
If you are not a yoga person, go to hot yoga flow, or regular yoga. Stretching, slow pace and other calm people around you affect your state of mind positively. Your thought speed will sink, which is good.
Give yourself space (and place) to breath. You decide your space. Say no to invites, schedule meetings to next week or week after. You are responsible to manage your time, not others yours.
Meetings — if you don’t have time to create results, then to some meetings you can say “due to overload of things I need to deliver, could you please write down questions and topics from the meeting that I need to cover, so that I can get back to those efficiently after the meeting?”
Wednesday — a pure work day. No meetings. No inputs. Peace out.
Minimize information processing — scrolling Instagram/Twitter while you have a lot on your shoulder is increasing your (social) anxiety. Cut it out. It is not necessary. It just gives you more things to think about.
Get physical relief — hard training, high pulse, sex, masturbation, hot sauna, ice-bathing.
Just walk, take time and listen to music. Your brain needs a mental pause to recover for the next day. Consuming work related podcasts, books in the evening, will just overload your brain with new information. Limit the consumption of the information in high-stress periods.
Take B12 and other B vitamins to strengthen your immune system. What I learned last year, stress makes the body less capable of observing B12.
Increase sleep time up to 9 hours. Sleep long. Your brain, immune system and mental health are depending on it.
Decrease amount of coffee cups. 2 big mugs per morning. Then water. Have a water bottle ready on your table, it must be easy to drink water.
Do not skip or postpone the lunch. Quality food — protein + greens.
Suns out — run out, get real sunlight for just 10 minutes and breath fresh air.
Do the things that are good. Write down the things that you enjoy. Do the things that give you the feeling of “oh, that is nice”, “I love it”, “this is life”.
3. Reflecting and putting things into perspective
Be honest with your feelings. And inform the involved person what you feel. No conflict is only one-sided.
People who work with you, normally wish you well.
In the world, there are more things than this one company. You can work in any company you choose to apply to. You are free, you don’t have to do any of it. It is your life, your well-being. Your work deserves to be valued, you deserve to be together with people who lift you higher.
Don’t be afraid, just be honest and brave. Be you. BE what you stand for.
Everyone has someone to please. But you don’t have to please everyone. You don’t owe anyone anything.
Most likely you are too self-critical. Too worried about what your surroundings think about you. Most likely you don’t see how much good you are creating.
Anger do not solve anything. If you have decided, there is no point to use energy on the anger. Anger is cured with a well thought through action or by talking with a person.
4. Clarify and analyse
Clarifying what emotions are part of the overall mental state you are at.
What causes anxiety? What causes fight and flight reaction?
Brainstormed list of things (the list I have written down is career related).
Is there something you identify yourself?
There is a strong disagreement with a big consequence if not solved
I fear of failure, this not ending up being a success
I must deal with a bad outcome
I must fix something that I did not cause
I don’t know what to do, how to approach this conflict
My trust was betrayed
Someone I accounted with, prioritized something/someone else
I worked hard, but no one cared
I worked hard, but other people than me, earned off it
I was not respected
I was rejected
I was not included, invited
I was not important enough to deserve their time
I counted on people who let me down
I failed because of other’s lack of engagement
I experienced failure
I made a wrong decision and evaluation early on that caused me a big sacrificed
I made a sacrifice in the belief that it was going to be worth it, but it was not
I accepted the terms that I could not live long term
I was coward to say no in the beginning, the problem piled and snowballed
I was disappointment in myself
I was disappointment in others
I was used because of my age and lack of knowledge
I was naive and did not ask the questions to see the future
I kept the truth to myself and the lie outside destroyed the relationship
What I thought and hoped was true, came out to be a lie
I was manipulated without seeing it
I was manipulated, and I felt it, but I let it happen because I had something to earn off it
I was belittled
I was not heard because I was not respected, trusted as a foreigner
I was not heard because my opinion was not respected
I was not heard because my experience was not respected
5. Define things that are good
Last list of thing that inspire you, give you a break, give you energy, relaxaction, or just the free mental space you need
Things that are good
New experiences are good.
Deep conversations are good.
Time with a close friend is good.
To be proud of myself is good.
Bring my dreams into reality is good.
Sauna is good.
Hotel breakfast is good.
Morning swim in the sea, in the rain, in the fog is good.
Home feeling in my own home is good.
Self development is good.
Fresh air is good.
New knowledge is good.
New skills are good.
Learn or practice a new hobby is good.
Calm sleep is good.
To hear your mother tongue is good.
Renovate your home is good.
Paddle with SUP in a beautiful place is good.
To set a new challenge is good.
Making fire outside is good.
Travel to new location is good.
Hot chocolate is good.
Going to spa is good.
Be true to and act and live based on your beliefs is good.
Have a leap of faith is good.
Knowing that you have done absolutely your best is good.
Drawing is good.
Snowboarding is good.
Going on a road trip is good.
Running is good.
Meditation is good.
Yoga flow and stretching is good.
Hiking is good.
Sex is good.
Traveling is good.
Walk in the wild forest is good.
The feeling of strong muscles and a strong body is good.
To trust and gain someone’s trust is good.
To love someone is good.
To be very honest is good.
To dance is good.
To be a fitness trainer, a running coach is good.
Tenting camping is good.
Teaching others is good.
Inspiring and motivating a friend or a group is good.
My friend, just hang in there!
Photo by Elvira Blumfelde on Unsplash
