The Best Line Delivery from Each Iconic Christmas Movie
“The best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear.”
There is something about an impeccable line delivery that can live beyond any other aspect of a movie. Beyond any stitch of costume design or the dressing within set decoration or even a memorable score of John Williams’ caliber, a memorable line reading can worm its way into the cultural-turned-personal. It can become a mainstay of dialogue between loved ones, nearly as an inside joke. It can rewrite the mannerisms and vocal patterns of the human being who resonates with the reading the most. And when it’s a sticky line delivery that emanates from a seasonal movie — like one of the Christmas genre? It becomes as much of a catchphrase as “Hello” for those who revisit the films each year, rewatching them more than any other. I believe this is the case among my family and friends. Throughout the year, I find myself uttering, “Is that some of your business?” from Helen in Merry Christmas, Drake & Josh and “Half of fifty cents” from Wendell in Emmet Otter’s Jug Band Christmas more than I find myself saying an iconic catchphrase like Urkel’s “Did I do that?” or an iconic line like Dorothy’s “There’s no place like home.” The power of a line you hear every year is striking, especially when it emanates from the positive memories of Christmastime story-sharing.
To commemorate these, I have opted to collect my favorite line deliveries from each of the five “iconic” (in my family, anyway) Christmas movies that are probably most well-known to the most amount of people. I often veer towards the alternative sides of Christmas to shake things up (like The Night Before, for example), but it’s good to honor the traditional legends, too. There are plenty of other Christmas movies out there and there are plenty of other line deliveries in the films listed, but these are the ones that can still make me laugh or move me — even after a quarter century of watching them again and again.
- Christmas Vacation: “Don’t piss me off, Art.”
In his prime, Chevy Chase’s comedic toolbelt was overflowing. His best ways of wringing humor from his slapstick comedies was obviously his dry, sarcastic wit, but he could also play physical and play manic as good as any comedy movie star. When he begins his descent into delirium in Christmas Vacation, Chase manages a look in his eyes that is full of complete detachment from reality. All smiles are manufactured, all glad tidings are said as if by command with something different being thought. The facial veneer here does not slip when Clark’s father-in-law tells the main character, “You’re goofy” after the house has dissolved into Christmas Eve chaos. What does slip, though, are the words actually being said by Clark. There’s no mistaking the threatening nature of “Don’t piss me off, Art,” but it’s also delivered by Chase with impeccable inflection and timing.
- Elf: “Wow, that was weird.”
Usually, lines like this can be as lazy as “Well, that just happened.” Not so here. Of course, James Caan’s delivery of this line is aces and thrown out with just enough bemused mumbling to bring the audience closer to empathy with him — perhaps as if to agree that, yes, this is quite bizarre. Caan is expert, in the role of Walter Hobbs, at managing to show just enough care for the events of the film that we never see him as a fully calloused and curmudgeonly Scrooge figure; there’s still a (slow) beating heart within him. But when he is first introduced to Buddy, he can only reply feebly about the strange occurrence he just witnessed. Believing Buddy to be a singing Christmas telegram, Walter instead listens to Buddy sing — not about gingerbread cookies or jingling bells, but about how he is Walter’s long-lost son who he never knew was born. The impromptu song ends with “I’m here now, Daddy, and guess what? I love you! I love you! I love you!” Imagine hearing a song like that? It makes Walter’s line all the funnier.
- It’s a Wonderful Life: “My mouth’s bleeding, Bert! My mouth’s bleeding! Zuzu’s petals! Zuzu’s petals! There they are! Bert, what do you know about that? Merry Christmas!”
This line delivery from Jimmy Stewart is the one that moves me in this list. There are plenty of readings in It’s a Wonderful Life that are sentimental and emotional, but this is just the one that jumped out to me as I reconsidered the movie. I even used to have this quote on a shirt! It’s very well done. After the draining sequence of events that leads to this euphoric moment from George Bailey, it is so refreshing to see how much ebullience and jubilation lies within the man we nearly saw commit suicide. Stewart and director Frank Capra the ensuing moments so wonderfully and vividly that the audience cannot help but feel how infectious the euphoria is for George. This initial realization and confirmation that George has his life back is met with the shrieking hoots and hollers of a man who has perhaps never been happier and will never meet anyone happier than he is right then. Plenty of tear-jerking lines follow this sequence, but none are as emotionally triumphant as these, especially with how Stewart reads it.
- A Christmas Story: “Oh my god, I shot my eye out!”
Here, we just have a classic instance of the benefits of build-ups and pay-offs in comedic timing. For almost the entire runtime of A Christmas Story, every decision Ralphie Parker makes is geared around earning himself a Red Ryder BB gun for Christmas. The film makes occasional detours for swear words, icy poles, and leg lamps, but the driving conflict of the whole story is how Ralphie can secure this specific gift for the holidays. A very kid-centric conflict, sure, but the Christmas season is all-consuming when you’re Ralphie’s age, after all. Of course, every time the BB gun is mentioned, Ralphie is told, “You’ll shoot your eye out.” His mom, his teacher, the Santa Claus at the mall. Everyone gives him the same warning and the same rejection. Yet, Ralphie insists that he will not and that it is the right gift for him. Eventually, when his father surprises him with the BB gun, Ralphie is so eager to use it that he races to the backyard immediately. First thing? The shot ricochets, breaks his glasses, and hits him in the eye. Cue Jean Shepherd’s “Older Ralphie” narration: “Oh my god, I shot my eye out!” A perfect full-circle encapsulation made even better by Shepherd’s brilliant delivery. Well done all around.
- Home Alone: “She’s got her own earrings. A whole shoebox full of ‘em. Dangly ones.”
So many options in Home Alone. This movie feels like it is stuffed to the brim with things I say all throughout the year. “Look what you did, you little jerk,” “I’m eating junk and watching rubbish; you better come out and stop me,” “What’s your point?” It’s good stuff. But this particular moment always sticks with me. When Catherine O’Hara’s Kate is trying to get a flight home to Kevin, she stops an old couple at the airport (Ed and Irene, played by Bill Erwin and Billie Bird, respectively) and begins to barter with them. She offers money, vouchers, jewelry, and more. Irene is empathetic and gracious enough to consider the idea (and we see she’s leaning towards agreeing with Kate), but Ed is more skeptical and hellbent on boarding the plane right then. He chimes in, “She’s got her own earrings. A whole shoebox full of’em. Dangly ones.” I love the way he says “Dangly ones.” Like, he doesn’t really care about Kate’s plight, but he knows enough to put on a little descriptive charm and showmanship to help make the rejection easier for the poor woman for whom he probably does feel a little bad. But still, Erwin really lays it on thickly for the word “Dangly.” It’s probably the most innocuous on the list, but doesn’t that make it the best one to end on?
Who’s to say if these lines are actually well-delivered or if I’m just so exposed to these particular Christmas movies that they have occupied specific ridges in my brain and now I can never shake a single second from any of them? Either way, there’s never a wrong way to celebrate the holidays and to think back on the stories that we love to revisit every year. This is just a fun exercise to enable us to do that! Don’t we love the holidays, folks? How saccharine. :)
