Freedom Through Boundaries

Sounds like an oxymoron, doesn’t it?

In preparation for the upcoming Social Sabbatical adventure to Montevideo, we were asked to do some reflection and goal-setting. While this seems like a pretty straight-forward request, I was struck by the answer I kept coming back to for this question:

“What will help you get the most out of this experience?”

I tried to shrug my immediate answer off, as it felt overly simplified and not dignified enough to stick with…but I kept coming back to it. And the more I thought about it, the more profound I realized it was.

My main answer?

“To disconnect fully, so I can be truly immersed in and present for this experience.”

I am almost embarrassed to admit that this personal goal scared me, not because I don’t see its value, but because I’m worried I won’t know how to do it. Yikes.

A SMART goal is recognized to be specific, measurable, achievable, relevant and time-bound. I found that my anxiety was bubbling around the “A” — is a full disconnect really achievable for me? And should it be?

Full disclosure time: I am a control freak. I am obsessive (literally at times) over details, quality and execution. I also happen to absolutely love the things that make up my life: my family, being a mom, my company, my team and my job. All of these factors mean that it’s easy for me to exist in all of these life facets simultaneously; I check work email during commercial breaks while watching tv with my husband without even realizing I’m doing it, my kids know what it looks like when “mommy has a work call”, my team hears me talk about my daily life happenings constantly — it all intertwines. None of it has an “off” button — and I like it that way!

BUT…

This is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. While the thought of being uprooted from my day-to-day version of “normal” for over 30 days is daunting, I know there’s a high likelihood (certainty?) that I will never again in my life do something like this. I have to be explicitly aware of this, and also remind myself that I deserve this opportunity for (what sometimes feels like) self-centered growth. When the mom guilt kicks in, or the nervousness about leaving my team for this long creeps up, I remind myself of these realities.

So, back to that goal of disconnecting — I’m done trying to negotiate with myself that I can try to do it all, or allowing myself to operate on the assumption that I have to. Instead, I am forcing myself to build some boundaries, and to be intentional about the steps I need to take to ensure I stick to those boundaries.

I’ve taken notes upon notes, both for my team and for my home. I have plans in place. Tasks have been delegated. Support has been established. The t’s have been crossed and i’s dotted to a level that my control-freak self knows beyond a doubt that everything.is.covered.

And that means I am forcing myself to accept that I don’t need to be accessible to those typical parts of life while I’m gone. For 36 days (yes I counted), I can disconnect who I am at home and work from who I intend to be in Uruguay. I won’t be incessantly following up at home, checking in repeatedly at work and perusing email with the assumption that my time is needed everywhere. I’m drawing a line for myself, and holding myself to minding it.

To translate into real talk: I’m not the center of this universe I’ve created. I’m surrounded by incredible people professionally and personally, and everything will be fine. I need to trust in that, period.

These boundaries — the boundaries that are being created by way of painful self-awareness and deliberate discipline — are giving me the freedom to disconnect, immerse and be present. Freedom through boundaries.

My lesson learned? Don’t pre-determine what I am or am not capable of. Paint a picture of a desired outcome, identify the obstacles to getting there and find a way, even if it means being brutally honest with myself. Sometimes it takes being a bit more restrictive in some habits in order to open the door to other, more suitable behaviors.

Bonus lesson? Self-centered discovery and self-indulgent growth is okay sometimes. The world will keep moving, we’ll come out on the other side and we’ll probably all be better for the fact that I went off the grid for a bit :-).