The Battle to Overcome My Self-Doubt as I Head to Senegal
One year ago, I received an acceptance email to partake in the SAP Social Sabbatical, a four-week pro bono assignment, where I would travel outside of my home country and support a social enterprise on a project tailored to the needs and priorities of their country. When I applied in April of 2018, I did not know where I would be assigned to or when. When I received the acceptance letter three months later, I found out I would be placed in Senegal, Africa. I was excited mostly for selfish reasons. This was a great opportunity for career growth with a pretty exclusive program where only about 15% of applicants are accepted. In all my personal and business travels, I have never been to Africa. The opportunity seemed like a very distant thing, where I could brag to my friends and family, “Yep, I’m going to Senegal,” but for the most part it was always out of sight and out of mind. It was not until about six weeks ago, that I started to get information on my team, what I’d be doing, who I would be helping and exactly where. Then the doubts and anxiety started to set in.
I rapid fired on getting my vaccinations, medications and started buying things needed for travel. I busied myself in the logistics and planning ensuring that I was “prepared.” As I am now about to embark on this journey, I realize most of my anxiety does not reside in traveling, getting ill or even being in a new environment. I have this fear of failure onsite. That I will not be able to add value for the client that we are working with.
Most people I have spoken to felt that I was bold for even applying, but currently I haven’t been feeling so bold. I am usually a person who has confidence in myself, but the reality of the situation is starting to sink in. We have four weeks to understand and execute on the client’s needs. Entering the assignment, we are only equipped with a single statement of work and were able to manage one virtual call with the client. Now I am traveling onsite to try to make an impact for them.
I have a background in consulting, so one would think I could handle tight timelines and high-pressure situations, but the reality is, in the past I was usually with clients for more than four weeks to help them see a project through. We had ample time to talk through the statement of work, come up with a plan and execute. Timelines could be changed if needed. For this engagement, time seems to be the pressure point for me. Even though 29 days seems like a lot of time to be away from friends, family and my “day job”, I know 29 days will go quickly and out of those 29 days only about 20 is with the client onsite. I know I shouldn’t come in with the mentality that I could somehow “save the day” for the client, but I would identify it as failure on this project if the company is left no better than before we came. I want to be able to work with them to hopefully set them on a path to be successful in their endeavors.
I am currently in a struggle with the angel on one shoulder and the devil on the other telling me conflicting messages. Though in my case, it is more like those two characters from the movie, Inside Out: Sadness, that is preparing for my failure, and Joy that is telling me, “You can do it!” What’s interesting is I can say with confidence, that my doubts are just that, doubts. They do not have any true merit. They likely stem from my constant feeling of imposter syndrome, which also has no merit. I have the experience to do this. I will not be working alone. The entirety of the success of the project is not on my shoulders. Yes, we will hit some bumps. Yes, we will have some time constraints, but we will overcome the challenges and execute. I need to redefine how I understand success in this project and believe that we can achieve it.
While I am anxious and nervous I am mostly excited to see how I overcome my self-doubts in this assignment and push forward for the good of the client and for my team. Over all things, out of the 12 of us who are traveling to Senegal (broken up into small groups of three, to support four different organizations), I hope that we leave with a greater belief in our abilities and with a broader perspective then we came in with.
