Waking Up Anxious
For the majority of us college students, waking up in the morning may involve snoozing your alarms 20 times followed by a sudden realization that you accidentally set your weekend alarm instead of your weekday’s alarm.
What I describe here is in fact, a problem, but not the kind of obstacle I want to talk about today. I think that as I progress into adulthood, I find that now and then, I wake up feeling anxious. Without me starting any activity, I was already tired and unproductive.
Waking up anxious is of course not the preferred way to start your day. You’re supposed to be awake and fresh, ready to take on the world. Ready to deliver an impact towards your community. Ready to challenge your capability in reaching your goals. And during the complex and stressful conditions I encountered in the past year, I felt very much challenged in meeting these expectations. I would assume, this is something many of us students feel, especially when we’re scrambling through that end-of-semester paper assignment, that journal paper submission, or when graduation is creeping in (yikes). So I decided to share a little bit about how my experience in waking up with anxiety.
There was this one morning when I find it difficult to open my eyes. I slept for a shy of 4 hours throughout that week, and honestly, I was crying a lot. But this was not when a guy broke up with me, nor it was when I had a huge fight with my mom. This morning was when I was pinned down by one of my responsibilities, my paper. It was my first conference paper, and sure enough, it was terrible. I really wanted to do good, but somehow I barely met the average. I really wanted to feel proud about it, but somehow I was left with this encroaching bitter feeling inside. I thought that coming here to Austin, writing this paper, was something I wanted. But that one morning, I thought, “you’re such a fool, you’ll never be able to finish this”
It was rough. And that was not the last time that I felt anxious when I woke up. It was happening too often and therefore; I decided to come up with a method that I felt was effective in avoiding feeling unproductive throughout the day.
I would start, and probably end this method, by saying to myself,
“Thank God that I am alive, healthy, and being challenged by ….(insert whatever is causing my anxiety)…… today.”
That statement was often difficult for me. After all, how are you supposed to be grateful when everything seems to be stretching you in multiple directions. Sometimes I don’t believe in the above statement wholeheartedly. I would say it anyway. Because here’s the deal, my friends, whatever it is that’s challenging every bit of you will not end your world. You’re meant to overcome those challenges, not “die” from it. Abraham Lincoln had to endure eight lost elections, two business bankruptcy, and a nervous breakdown. He kept on going anyway. Elon Musk was severely bullied throughout childhood and once hospitalized after a group of boys threw him down a flight of stairs. Now, he founded SpaceX, is the CEO, and has 78% of voting control in the leadership.
I contemplated on these strong people’s journey and being grateful in my tumultuous morning didn’t seem so hard. Mornings when I wake up with doubts, fear, and tears, are quintessential for my personal development. Those mornings are when I truly learn to be thankful, be at peace with my tribulations, and proceed on overcoming them. And with thanksgiving recently passed and end of this semester climbing near, this message has never been more relevant.
