Reflection inspired by the film The Five Obstructions

Dear Silly Hanna,

You came to Bali a little nervous but you shouldn’t have been. You had traveled before in Europe and Central America and were well prepared with the items you packed and the preparations you had made: an exchange rate cheat sheet, copies of passports, maps, and the itinerary. But as soon as you stepped off the plane and breathed in the humid air, so unlike the snowy Midwest air from home, I could tell that something shifted. That adventurer spirit woke up from hibernation and you realized you had nothing to worry about anyway. You’re just you, and you’re in the world, and humans are nice and willing to help you, but you also have a lot of common sense. Be proud of that.

Bali opened up and shared so much. You really learned a lot this trip, about Bali, and also about yourself and others. Another slice of the world was revealed and you dipped in, taking the good, bad, and ugly and trying to make sense of it. I watched you wrestle with a lot over the three weeks.

- Making new friends. You asked yourself if people would like you. And now you know! Yes.

-Trying to be supportive and positive in the face of stress and the death of other’s loved ones. That was hard but you tried your best and I think that’s what really matters.

-Considering energy. I think that’s worth mentioning because you tried to keep positive energy and light flowing from within you (as weird as that may sound) and not letting negative energy eat away and break you down. Sometimes you failed miserably, but mostly I think you did pretty well.

-And then balancing that happy bubble with being honest, especially with yourself.

Now thoughts on being the white female American middle-class tourist in Bali.

You went to the bathroom in eh, pits with lids and no toilet paper and stepped over rotting trash and poop on the sidewalk, and walked past dead chickens and still-wriggling fish in a sludgy market, and tried not to feel enraged while watching helmet-less toddlers riding Vespas, or feel sad when 13 year old boys smoked cigarettes on the sidewalk and trash swirled in the ocean, congesting the reefs with plastic. Actually you did felt disgust, anger, and pity, but I know you didn’t want to for fear of being the White Privileged Western Judge of Culture/Savoir of the Environment, Children, etc. And to be honest, you are still very very very confused about this and that makes you sad and angry too. So keep working on it. Keep thinking. Keep feeling. Keep remembering. Hopefully you’ll get there someday. I’ll stay tuned.

And then there was the healing and beauty! Promise me you’ll remember this too!!! It was so great that you survived damp clothes and were happy to have your hair bathed in spring water and flowers. (I mention being damp because I know how much you hate being clothed and wet at the same time). Moving on, Balinese spirituality affirmed your beliefs in a way that you were not expecting. You had finally climbed to a good place with God after a weird section during freshmen year. It got even better over the summer when you found out that your brother and cousin came to your same conclusions about God, and now the Balinese are backing you up like no other. I’m really happy for you. This is so important.

So just keep working on the things you practiced in Bali and be proud of how well you did and how much you really, honestly, sincerely tried in your relationships, in learning, in sifting through the hard stuff, in working on class projects/assignments, and in gaining as much from this blessing of an experience as possible. And always keep striving to do better at all of the above, while abroad and while at home.