The Things She Might Be Hiding

Well to start with she is hiding her body. It might be a good one, it might be a bad one, how are we to know? This is just bloody infuriating, a man needs to know what he is dealing with.

In this clobber, she is giving away about as much as a bail of oaten chaff – unacceptable!

There’s definitely a Koran tucked in there somewhere — may be secreted away in an internal pocket, stitched into the seam or inscribed on the lining with invisible ink – requires immediate ASIO haberdashery team intervention.

Is there a gun? Usually you can tell if someone is packin. Is she packin? Speculation is there is an uzi strapped to her inner thigh, a suicide vest to keep the draughts out and some improvised ordinance gaffered to her armpits. This is likely to be triggered by increased moisture sensors brought on by escalating levels of threat. Bloody ingenious!

And what else is under, that’s what.

You can bet your left nut there’s a bunch of oz-hating toddlers teetering around her ankles humming Ayrab nursery rhymes to themselves instead of the national anthem.

Make no mistake, they are the next generation. You won’t see them until they have undergone full combat training and are embedded back into suburbia amongst the falafels and baclava. Lurking under there gets them acclimatised to camp life – all that wafting canvas.

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