My Relationship with Bruno

We first met in 2010.

I met Bruno through a mutual friend, B.o.B. They were talking about all the beautiful girls in the world, but my eyes were set on the Asian guy with the fedora. High school was a confusing time, but I loved everyone and everything in a fedora. He was an angel that came into my life and taught me what love should feel like. He told me that I was amazing just the way I was. He was corny like that. Sometimes he was a little trite, talking about all the things he would do for me, mostly things involving pain. Like one time, he said that he would take a bullet straight to the brain. He kept saying this, and I wanted to distance myself from him for it. But then he went on stage and doo-wop’d his way back into my heart. I realized that he was winking while he was telling me that he would catch a grenade for me. It became our joke.

Coming out of a fling with one Jason Mraz, I was looking to settle down, looking for something serious. Enter Bruno. He was totally different. He was fun to be around, but didn’t take himself too seriously. Also, he didn’t have a weird obsession with avocados and cultural appropriation. Instead, Bruno only seemed interested in being lazy and making sure everyone was having a good time. He even helped people get married!

But after a year of this, our relationship felt a little stale. We started talking to each other less, and I heard some stories about his debauchery while he was away in Vegas. I also began to think he might be kinda lame. We grew apart. When he came back in 2012, I didn’t pay much attention to him. He was telling the same stories and doing the same shit he always did. I was over him.

Every now and then, I would hear him on the radio and I was a bit nostalgic about our time together. I was annoyed about how he was still acting like it was 2010. But most of the time, I tried to live my best life without him. And then I turned on the Super Bowl. The screen went blank. Then there was light. A children’s choir that kept asking, “Prepared?” And I wasn’t.

A spotlight shined on the middle on the field and he was there, behind a drum set. He was wearing a golden blazer as he banged out his solo. Drum solo to start your first ever Super Bowl performance? He isn’t even known as a drummer. My jaw dropped. I still loved Bruno. I never really stopped. He is so immensely talented in every way. He can dance like Michael, stunt like Prince, and sing like Stevie.

But the best part of this performance, our reunion, was how Bruno shared it with his crew. That’s what makes him different from the rest. He truly wanted to share this moment with his friends. What a treasure.

After the performance, I realized that I needed him back into my life. Lucky for me, Bruno was about to be everywhere. He was hanging out with my friend, Mark, and they teamed up for a project that would immortalize them. They brought funk back. They were so fun to be around. A year into spreading joy to the world, Bruno hijacked the Super Bowl from Chris Martin’s clammy pale gross hand. He went toe to toe with the Queen Bey and came out unscathed. After all these wins, Bruno came out with one of the best albums of 2016 in 24K Magic. Just like my man Bruno, this album is a silk covered, all killers no fillers, short yet powerful.

This album transported me to high school when Bruno and I would dance all night long. It reminded me a simpler time, when having fun was the only goal. It was magic. The sheets were all white. There was Versace on the floor. I was locked out of heaven and I never want to go back.