You can’t prove it

How employers use the law to avoid accountability

This week we hear from an individual who experienced bullying based on age. Her story illustrates what it is like to ask for help and be told there is none available.

The boss hired me and then abused me. I was told by HR that since the boss hired me, I would not be able to prove age discrimination. It was a toxic environment. I was gas-lighted, made to feel less than, excluded and excluded again. Co-workers were told to disregard conversations they had with me and to not bother with providing the assistance I requested as my requests were not as important as the boss’ needs.

Work and progress toward my goals that was once acceptable became unacceptable as the rules were changed mid-stream. I wasn’t told the rules had changed until it was too late. I was told I was not in fact on target to meet my goal as I watched the boss subtract thousands of dollars from my production.
In team meetings I was excluded from the agenda and as everyone else in the room was called upon to report and encouraged for their achievements, I was passed over, sometimes not even called upon until I spoke up. It was obvious to everyone on the team.

Team members asked why the boss treated me that way. I received emails from the boss late Friday afternoons which included a barrage of questions that I had previously answered and accusations of me meeting with people that undermined the boss’ authority. Some of those meetings were after hours with personal friends and had nothing to do with the boss or my job. I stopped including anything on my calendar that wasn’t necessary. I told friends to stop sending me calendar requests.

I was required to validate my worth monthly by having to submit reports to my boss indicating production vs. my salary, expenses and even the cost of my benefits. No one else in the department had to submit these reports, only me. I was required to submit two separate highly detailed reports of my activity and production weekly with face-to-face meetings that were at best, uncomfortable.

Up until the last couple of weeks of my employment, the boss said my production report looked good and I was on track. Then the boss accused me of not understanding what the boss said and not doing what the boss asked of me. I tried. I tried to understand, to ask questions, to mirror conversations, thoughts and ideas to be sure I had it right. I received blank stares. I asked for support, help in understanding what was expected. I received nothing. I had no tools to accomplish what I was apparently expected to do. It was an impossible situation.

I spoke with HR and my boss’ boss numerous times about the situation. At one-point HR told me that there was nothing they could do about a mean boss. I had to prove discrimination. I endured it as long as I could while looking for another job and then I quit.

We hear time and time again that professionals responsible for employee health tell victims that “there’s nothing we can do about a bad boss.” What we should know is that the law provides the minimum acceptable bar for what is actionable in court, not what employers can and cannot do to ensure their employees are safe and healthy. Too often, legal standards are used as an excuse rather than a standard to be exceeded.

• Speculating on a Case: The writer of this story was told be Human Resources that she had no case because she was hired in the first place. Human Resources professionals are not lawyers, and in many cases we hear about, speculate on the strengths and merits of your case. Remember that Human Resources represents your employer. If you feel that you may have a case, you should talk to a lawyer of your own.
• It’s Just a Bad Boss: Bad bosses certainly exist. There are differences between bad bosses and abusive bosses. Here, our writer was targeted, excluded, and singled out because of her age. Targeting employees based on those characteristics is more than being a bad boss.
• Moving the Goal Posts: As we have seen in other stories, a hallmark of bullying and targeting includes moving the goal posts on employees. Here, the boss sets a goal that you aim for, then pulls the rug out from under you by claiming that was never the goal in the first place.
• Infringing on Your Personal Life: Contrary to popular belief, many bad bosses are well versed in boundaries, they just refuse to follow them. Here, the boss was well aware that by sending a late Friday email, she could inflict worry that would last all weekend.
• Goals as Punishment: Goal setting can be an important part of working as part of a team. They can clarify success, and ensure that you know what you are working towards. On the other hand, they can be used to abuse. Holding them overhead, bad bosses berate and threaten, and use goals to define your worth. This leaves people feeling dehumanized, and that’s often the point.

Disclaimer:

Enlightened Solutions has not verified the accuracy of these stories. All stories are submitted anonymously and are published with the intent of allowing people to speak about their workplace situations without identifying information.