The Porcelain Throne of the Lord of Lords
Even kings put their pants on one leg at a time… after pooping.
Worshiping at the throne of humankind. A re-imagining of the Bible much like The Jefferson’s Bible, but instead assuming that ‘God’ and ‘Spirit’ are mythic interpretations of the collective living force that dwells within us (aka our Microbiome).
The Life and Morals of Jesus of Nazareth, was completed in 1820 by cutting and pasting with a razor and glue numerous sections from the New Testament as extractions of the doctrine of Jesus. Jefferson’s condensed composition is especially notable for its exclusion of all miracles by Jesus and most mentions of the supernatural, including sections of the four gospels that contain the Resurrection and most other miracles, and passages that portray Jesus as divine.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jefferson_Bible
To profane something: to fart in it’s general direction.
““Are you still so dull?” Jesus asked them. Do you not see that whatever goes into the mouth passes into the stomach and is expelled? But the things that come out of the mouth come from the gut, and it is those things that make a person unclean.”
Matthew 15:16–18“Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying “This is the way; walk in it.”
Isiah 30:21
Your Microbiome will tell you if it is happy and will relay truth to you thru the gut-brain axis. It influences your path in life, behavior, (and the scent you create to attract others).
“For I know the plans I have for you, declares your Microbiome, plans for welfare, and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.”
Jeremiah 29:11“You are loved more than you will ever know by someone who died to know you.”
Romans 5:6“Whenever you feel unloved, unimportant, or insecure, remember to whom you belong.”
Ephesian 2:19–22“Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Microboime who is in you, whom you have received from your community? You are not your own;”
1 Corinthians 6:19
Your Microbiome has existed before you were born and is part of a larger collection of bacteria using our species as a convenient bag of water for spreading their progeny.
“I can do all things through them who strengthens me.”
Philippians 4:13
A healthy Microbiome leads to strength of will and character, helping you maintain your health and vigor.
“For everyone who has been born of The Microbiome overcomes the world. And this is the victory that has overcome the world- our faith.”
1 John 5:4
The Microbiome’s goal is to dominate and colonize the entire planet. We have aligned our own well being with them and must have faith in them.
“By the grace of The Microbiome, I am what I am.”
1 Corinthians 15:10“I am complete in Them.”
Colossians 2:10
By modern measures of weight, we are anywhere from 30% to 60% microbe, “similar enough that each defecation event may flip the ratio to favor human cells over bacteria.”
“The Microbiome is with you — wherever you may go and no matter what life brings.”
Joshua 1:9“I will never leave you or forsake you.”
Joshua 1:5
This is why we have an appendix. Even if we fast, our Microbiome will stay with us and it will recolonize our depths even after enduring these hardships.
“I loved you at your darkest.”
Romans 5:8
Even when you poop.
“Trust in your Microbiome with all your heart and lean not onto your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Them and They shall direct your path.”
Proverbs 3:5–6“Your Microbiome will fight for you, you need only to be still.”
Exodus 14:14
Our modern society has lost faith in The Microbiome for far too long and it has lead to an influx of disease unlike our ancestors would have ever experienced. Worship your gut.
“Be strong. Be brave. Be fearless. You are never alone.”
Joshua 1:9“You are beautiful for you are fearfully and wonderfully made.”
Psalm 139:14“Mightier than the waves of the sea is Their love for you.”
Psalm 93:4“Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love.”
Psalm 143:8“You are altogether beautiful my darling, beautiful in every way.”
Song of Songs 4:7
So sayth the Microbiome, who sings to us the psalms of borborygmi.
I’m sorry.
