How Many Playful River Spirits Tricked YOU Today?

River spirits are a fact of modern life. We may not like it, but if we don’t indulge them, they take our babies and iPhones. We asked our readers how they’ve been conned by mischievous river spirits and what to look out for to stay smart and stay safe by our rivers and streams

Elizabeth Beck from Atlanta, Ga writes:

“They made me drive their underwater train in a conductor’s hat that said ‘RIVER BITCH’ while they jeered at me and prodded me with their fidget spinners.”

— Local River Bitch

“2 river spirits tricked me into being a bride for their ‘River Trump,’ who is a pile of Mar-A-Lago golf balls held together by mud and used condoms”

—Anonymous Waitress at Jimmy Buffett’s Margaritaville

Taylor Roy of Atlanta, Ga writes:

“I hate to say it, but 200 river spirits tricked me by pretending to cheer me on in a marathon. I stripped down to my boxer shorts and ran and ran, but all they gave me was a medal at the end and a ceremony and put me on the cover of ‘HUMANS HAVE LEGS’ magazine. But then when I opened the magazine it was just pictures of steam, which is their pornography.”

—Local Marathon Winner Who Requested to Remain Nameless

Eli Banks from Atlanta, Ga writes:

“A river spirit got the best of me today: he asked if he could try my glasses on so he could read a recipe for river biscuits but then he read a spell out loud that erased my LinkedIn profile.”

—Anonymous Job-Seeking Biscuit Fan

Scene and Song

Comedy Pop Culture Commentary on Movies and Music