Scene and Song
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Scene and Song

How to Spice Up Your Sci-Fi Bar of Crazy Characters

You bought a character-centric Sci-Fi Bar, but now you’re in over your head. Here’s how to make it your own!

So you bought a zoo…of aliens who love to drink! But you need to set yourself apart from all the other galactic watering holes full of space mayhem and colorful criminals from across the universe! So here’s just a few special touches you can use to turn your sci-fi dive bar into a sci-fi THRIVE bar!

Blue alien guy wearing a swimming pool liner as a sarape

Child-shrinking machine from Honey, I Shrunk the Kids all grown up and is now a droid bounty hunter

Reverse Sy Snootles (just a pretty lady who doesn’t wear makeup and can’t sing for shit)

Obi-Wan Kenobi’s Force Ghost lets you do a body shot out of his bellybutton

Hey, y’all—Jeff Bridges GIF here. Just killing time at the Academy Awards broadcasting all my thoughts to y’all. Now, I know Jason is giving you some sci-fi bartending tips, and you’d be wise to listen to him—but hell, who wants to be wise all the time? Not me, that’s for damn sure! Why don’t you give me a kiss? Kiss your screen, I won’t tell! Uh oh, they just called my name, I gotta accept an award. You head on back to the article. Farewell, amigos!

Bathroom got a machine where a Spock hologram measures your dick

This one alien look like a cricket

Stephen King and Idris Elba clinking glasses at the bar: “We just got back from a dimension where The Dark Tower movie was good!”

A laser video game where you shoot a shrink ray at a jar of honey, then you have to break the news to a group of children and the game is called Kids, I Shrunk the Honey

A rebel smuggler steps out of the shadows. She says, “You sure know how to make an entrance.” Another rebel smuggler steps out of a second set of shadows and says, “So much for first impressions.”
The first smuggler says, “Hey, I booked this conference room already.”
The second smuggler says, “Well, it didn’t come up in Outlook.”
The first smuggler says, “These new conference rooms delete your meeting if you don’t click ‘start meeting’ within fifteen minutes of the meeting start time.”
The second smuggler looks at you and says, “Can we push this back to next Thursday? I’m out of the office for Wookie Life Day.”
The first smuggler goes “Wookie Life Day? First of all, this isn’t Star Wars. Second of all, why would you need time off for Wookie Life Day?”
The second smuggler goes, “I’m from a blended family!”

A purple, Shrek-like, copyright-infringing ogre named “Shrunk” who eats honey, has a kid and is always yelling, “Honey! Shrunk! Kid!”

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Jason Pierce Mallory

Jason Pierce Mallory

Sleepy Little Rascal

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