Lessons I’ve Learned when Scholarships Awarded for Me Got Canceled
I couldn’t deny the pain, however, it gave me precious lessons of life
Four years have passed, however, I still remember exactly what it feels when I woke up and found this in my email inbox:
Let me begin my story by introducing myself. I was a mediocre student who has no achievement at the time. All I have is one dream & mission: making education of technology in Indonesia better.
Then I found this amazing opportunity, Erasmus+ scholarships for an undergraduate student, that allows me to learn at the best university across Europe, which is great because I can learn about technology development in European countries, especially in Anglia Ruskin University (United Kingdom). And luckily, I’m honored as one of the Erasmus+ scholarships awardees.
That is a happy story, but not an ending. I still need an unconditional letter from the university I got accepted in, Anglia Ruskin. In order to get that, I should submit the IELTS score with a specific minimum requirement which… I don’t have any clue about that at the time.
To make a long story short, I failed to meet the IELTS minimum score to get unconditional offers from Anglia Ruskin, and my scholarship was canceled. It was a lie if I told it doesn’t hurt. This fact has haunted me for years. I keep blamed myself why I didn’t learn harder, why I didn’t do this, why I didn’t do that.
Right now, I proudly want to say that I finally overcome that haunted feeling of failure, and want to share all the lessons I learned from the biggest failure I’ve ever experienced in my life.
Lesson #1: Never trade your dreams with anything, moreover, with temporary things
Dreams are the most precious things any people can have. Every inspiring and great figure starts their journey with a dream. I’ve learned that I should never ever trade my dream with everything else, especially something that only affecting your temporary life (like a week, a month, a year). This lesson can be tricky because it is way harder than it sounds. Because many distractions will come while you’re pursuing your dream. Most of the time, it will indirectly force you to forget all of your dreams.
At the time when I should submit my IELTS score, I was still in 4th semester of my college, a software engineer in one of Start-up in Indonesia, pointed as president of national university event, and should managing few organizations. I’m blessed to get such amazing opportunities, however, I realized that most of the things that I do, don’t have any connection to my actual dream. I’ve learned that every activity I do that is not related to bringing me closer to my dream, it’s called distraction, even these are productive. These distractions will slowly give a gap between me and my dreams and lead me to choose the distraction, instead of my actual dreams.
Lesson #2: Thinking “I can’t” is the meanest things
Back in high school, I always get bad marks when it comes to language exams, including English. It makes me always think that I was not born to learn English. It was like I got a zombie running into me when I should pass IELTS minimum requirement with limited time, whether like it or not, I should run for my life. However, my brain keeps telling me that I can’t run fast, which unconsciously makes me think that maybe I was destined to be eaten by a zombie, and yeah finally I was eaten by a zombie while I’m thinking I can’t.
I’ve learned that thinking “I can’t” is like a life purpose suicide. Yet I’m still alive, however, I don’t have any purpose anymore, and I think it is more suitable called a corps with a heartbeat. That’s why I called it the meanest things I could do to myself.
Lesson #3: To be surrounded by people that have the same goal is more valuable than gold
During the time I’m preparing myself for the IELTS exam, I don’t tell anyone I’m going to take one because I’m afraid they will mock me and tell me it was impossible to achieve particular IELTS score. Then I join the pre-departure briefing event for Erasmus+ scholarships and told fellow awardees about my problem. Turns out she gives me all the free resources for learning IELTS and very supporting me to achieve my dreams.
Right now, whenever I want to achieve something, I will find similar communities and find fellow friends that shared the same dreams as me. I usually use the Facebook group to find this kind of community. The impact is not only just get more a lot more knowledge and resource, but knowing that I’m not alone and could go through the same journey together.
Lesson #4: Never underestimate the power of start small
The biggest barrier to me and the scholarships is the ability to learn English. And the biggest mistakes I’ve made when learning English is, I focus on the big task while ignoring the small action that actually more impactful. I remember that I always trained myself to solve IELTS tasks, without improving my ability in the English language itself. I feel uncomfortable, and feeling tired of learning IELTS. After I got failed, I keep learning IELTS and I realize that by doing small stuff that I actually like, improved my English better. I love reading about technology stuff and also write about it. By doing that I will improve my English faster. I’ve learned that small task that done persistently, gives a more powerful impact than a big task that I do occasionally.
Lesson #5: Everyone can get scholarships, as long as they are hardworking and persistent
The day I got an honor as one of Erasmus+ scholarships awardee, changed my point of view of both myself and scholarships. I was nearly failing a grade during senior high school, which could be proof of my poor intellectual skills. Erasmus+ scholarships are very competitive and prestigious scholarships and to be awarded one is very out of my league. But I still willing to register anyway because I believe accepted into one will brings me closer to my life missions.
Then I learned that academic skills are only one of many indicators whether someone deserved to be granted or not. Two of the most important things is hard work and persistence.
Lesson #6: Apparently, everything happens for a reason, even it’s a failure
As I mentioned I grieve for this failure for more than four years, I finally realize there is a reason behind it. Today I’m blessed to be work in one of the amazing state companies of Indonesia, having my own start-up, also achieving other things that I couldn’t imagine I will achieve before.
In a nutshell, even the scholarships got canceled, I learned so many things that are too precious not to share with others. Failure is temporary, regret is forever. Cheers!
