How Vulnerability Makes Us Better Speakers.
For the longest time we’ve been inspired by Brené Brown and her work on vulnerability.
Her now infamous TED Talk showed the world how vulnerability is not weakness, but in fact, our biggest measure of courage and the path to deep, meaningful connections. It’s the willingness to be seen in our entirety, to show our imperfections and to let go of who we think we need to be. It is self-acceptance in its truest form, a formula for how to be yourself when you feel the need to be something else.
By viewing it like this you can see why we favour this way of thinking when it comes to public speaking, confidence and communication.
It’s easy for us to turn expressing ourselves into a performance, something that has to be perfect so we can get the validation or acceptance we think we need. This typically leads to us either adopting a “likeable”, “confident” persona, hiding how we’re actually feeling, or just avoiding expressing ourselves altogether. How often have you decided not to say anything at all in certain situations because you felt like it might not be good/intelligent/funny enough?
Vulnerability is about doing the opposite of these behaviours. It’s about learning to drop these personas and being willing to show who you actually are when you’re speaking. It means not hiding in any way, leaning into discomfort and letting others see you regardless of what you think the consequences are.
The outcome? Once you fully understand how this works, here’s what can happen:
- You begin to liberate yourself from the feelings of self-doubt, self-consciousness and anxiety because you’re willing to let them be seen (a complete paradox!)
- You start to give yourself more freedom to express yourself
- You let go of the shame that stops you from showing who you are
- You stop pretending
- You start to speak from the heart, creating more meaningful and memorable communication
- You allow other people to connect with you by being more authentic and relatable
- You then connect with others
- You then understand others
This by no means is an easy thing to do. Oftentimes we are battling life-long, emotional and cultural influences that are deeply embedded in us. But by allowing vulnerability to slowly unpeel these layers, we can move closer towards being comfortable in our own skin. It’s this actual, long-lasting confidence that makes us the best possible speakers, leaders, friends, parents and partners.
When our students explore this for the first time we’re usually met with this question:
“How am I supposed to be vulnerable when I’m in front of my bosses or delivering a presentation to clients?”
There is a really important distinction to make when it comes to vulnerability. It’s not always about saying that you feel vulnerable and vomiting your insecurities on everyone, it’s about being vulnerable.
Pay attention to your behaviour when you start to feel anxious, nervous or self-conscious. What do you find yourself doing? It’s our unwillingness to be vulnerable that often leads to dysfunctional behaviour that doesn’t serve us in the long run.
So the next time you have to deliver a speech or talk in front of a group, instead of jumping into performance mode, or trying painfully hard not to show you discomfort, instead, try staying in the middle place, feel the vulnerability and stay there courageously.
With time and practice, the more you do this, the easier it becomes. Then what’s left is YOU.
