Being Bipolar in the Workspace

by Grey…

We’re told we have to maintain a professional attitude in a work space and do so flawlessly. For many, this task seems obvious and quite simple. For others (like myself) this seems practically impossible. Routine behaviors and a thermostatic scale of emotion don’t always apply well to someone who is living with mental health issues like Bipolar Disorder or Manic Depression. I forbade myself from ever being honest about the state of my mental health for fear of being rejected and ostracized in a world that fails to comprehend difference.

I’m not — nor have ever been — a ticking time bomb, which many might otherwise assume based off movies and people throughout history who, like I, have lived with afflictions. Apparently the state of the mind is of more and greater significance than one’s physical abilities. This of course I understand and interpret quite easily because I do not disagree. Yet, if I could erase the stigma behind erratic and impulsive behaviors as a result of mental illness I would. The more damage we do to those who are damaged is enough. I am not incapable of taking direction and executing a task far above anyone’s standards.

These are three tips I’ve adapted and practice everyday while working in an office and dealing with the ups and downs of Bipolar Disorder.

1. Get to work.

Basing my life off of a Morrissey song, I love to stay in bed and wallow. The lower my frequency is, the closer I want to be to my sheets and pillows. I ride the wave of wanting to give up for an hour or two but with good measure and sometimes good luck I’m able to pull myself out of bed and get ready. I set my alarm to a hour before I actually have to start my day. By doing this I give myself time to be cynical and destructive, which I have learned to expect and accept. Reluctant little voices with soul sucking antics come my way, and I let them win for the first half hour or so. Then I think of something good. It can be small or whimsical or even gut-bustlingly hilarious and I coax myself back to sleep for 20–30 minutes. Once I awake from that little cat nap I’ve forgotten the first half hour of critical irrational thinking and I start my day.

At first I’d go to work when everyone else did around 10am. I thought it would be nice to be on time and follow the flow of my work schedule properly. But shortly after 2 months I found that didn’t work for me to well. I began to adjust my little routine and arrived to work at least 20 minutes to an hour before I actually had to get started. This little change made all the difference and allowed me to focus on getting through my day without feeling overwhelmed or unqualified.

Give yourself time. During a depressive state you can barely even function and when you feel like you are slowly but surely heading down that Robert Frost road, try to steady that run to a casual stroll. You don’t have to pretend to be balanced when you’re not. Use time as your escape and coping mechanism.

2. Find your bridge.

After spending everyday in an office for hours I started to notice that it was hard for me to get work done. There are days when I am not okay and just want to be alone. And when someone is paying you for your time and presence it seems so hard to take your own well being into account. But sometimes you gotta find a way to slip away from the crowd and chill in a corner. I’ve gotten anxious and fidgety trying to stay seated at my desk when I know for a fact I’m imploding.

Lunch breaks and alternative places to work are literal temples. I creep around and find my havens and bridges. Just being alone for a while and being able to freak out with no one watching you is therapeutic (not to mention the fact that silence is fucking brilliant when your feeling anxiety or stress). I find that it helps to leave and eat or take a walk for a while. Coming back then seems so easy, and I in turn am reliable and alert. But even that practice cannot be guaranteed to work.

3. Watch the coffee!!!

Yes, I understand that when working long hours you depend on the effects of caffeine. My particular choice is always always always coffee! You too have probably already discovered the frustrating effects it has on mood stability and Bipolar Disorder. Basically the shit is kryptonite! If you are to indulge in caffeinated food or beverage I advise that you try (when most clear-headed) to control and monitor your intake. This is of course extremely difficult, and I feel like a hypocrite writing this because I’m jacked up on a triple shot of espresso in this very moment. But it’s still good to at the very least be aware and try to be disciplined. Once that caffeine gets into your blood stream you are more at risk for having emotional and mental difficulties since a substance with effects on both of those has been rapidly introduced to the body. I wish I could ignore the science on this one and not pay this tip any attention, but it truly determines the outcome of the day.

And what are you supposed to do when you can’t work tired and you can’t work wired?

I personally have started taking yoga classes after work and eating foods that naturally give the body and brain a little charge and boost. This obviously doesn’t have instant results, but I’m starting to notice a difference in my energy levels which is nice. I can wake up more refreshed and begin my day knowing that I’ll be crashing around 5pm instead of 2. I do believe in positive affirmations and patience so I’m sure that soon that’ll turn around.

Most importantly know this…

This is going to be scary and at times the most difficult thing you will face because it’s hard seeing functional people judge your version of normality. You are just as if not more exceptional and were hired for good reason. You must believe that. I know the days seem longer than other days and you might wanna call it quits, but don’t. So many people just like us have given up and hurt themselves and lived in time periods in which the devil would probably find cruel. So, don’t worry about anything; it will all work out fine. And if it doesn’t and everyone makes you feel like you don’t belong and that you are some ticking time bomb then you are left with no other choice….go CRAZY!!