If My Life As Episodes of ‘Black Mirror’

My therapist creates the billion dollar best-selling game Grand Theft Depression, based on my life. I realize this when I steal a car to make it to an appointment on time.

There’s a pandemic virus that wipes out everyone except a few hundred people who are quarantined in an isolated compound. It is up to me and my improv team to perform and replicate human emotion so we do not forget our humanity.

I find an experimental pill in which will implant the experience of having the experience of seeing every episode of every prestige television show. I am doomed to an eternity of no one being as caught up as I am and I am publicly executed for giving away all the spoilers.

I buy a Fitbit-like device but come to find mine measures my social worth and is wired directly to my frontal cortex. If I reach a certain threshold of social anxiety, I become trapped in an elevator engaging in small talk.

I’m framed for murder, but I’m delighted to find that each prison is equipped to individually simulate prisoner’s favorite childhood television show. I experience the world of Jen and the Holograms, but soon realize that my life is a never-ending horror of constant attempted murdered by The Misfits.

Buzzfeed nostalgia posts were written by people from the near future to gently ease us into the concept of time travel, which will soon become possible. Our need to go back and collect Popples will immunize is from the possibility of using time travel for evil.