Release your schpünk!
Submit your story to Schpünk Magazine
Why Schpünk Magazine?
Technology was supposed to usher in a more connected, empathetic world. Instead it has prioritized a global monoculture¹. In its current digital iteration, diversity of thought is the biggest anathema.
People are now absolutely afraid to utter opinions that, just a few years ago, were considered mundane reflections on life. A single word can now cost you your family, friends, career, etc. There is a reason² for this development and there are ways around it for those individuals eager to share their thoughts with the world.
Take a step back and consider your options:
- You join them. Surrender to all of the insane demands of the monoculture.
- You fight them. Confront, at great risk to your happiness, the monoculture.
- You evade them. Publish under a pseudonym in order to skirt their censors.
- You schpünk them. Publish using your real identity without fear of reprisal.
Let’s unravel this very last point: the concept of schpünk. A schpünker is a special kind of person: someone that has the balls to share their true thoughts without hiding their identity from the world. All Schpünk Magazine writers are called “schpünkers.”
What qualities make a schpünker?
- They are excellent writers. 🔖
- They hold some controversial opinion. 😝
- They are victims of some split personality disorder. ⛑
The brave schpünker is able to cut right through the monoculture by using “handicap” as a shield against reprisals. Since all their writing is the product of some random personality aberration that stems from a mental disorder, schpünkers are a legally³ protected class:
- The 1st Amendment | 1791
- Americans with Disabilities Act | 1990
So embrace your mental defects and join the movement! We accept all personality types!
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Footnotes
¹Freedom to actually express yourself has slowly been eroded by online mobs of either ignorant or mentality handicapped individuals. Their influence is not derived from size alone; much of their success comes from the manipulative efforts of far more intelligent individuals.
²In the West, we now have large corporations locked into very obscure relationships with government power structures. Ironically in the Far East, there is a more honest understanding that a strong bond exists between both entities. This is likely for the fact that people there do not live under the illusion that their society is a “transparent democracy.”
