Biology Is Weird —
Nighttime is the right time to fight crime! So says the Batman. Well, the PJ Masks said it but Brucie had the idea first so- tomato, tomato. Can we momentarily appreciate that we read each ‘tomato’ differently. Gotta love the English language.
Anyway, I’m not here to talk about the absolute chaos that is grammar, though I wish I were. We’re going to talk about a creature so legendary, a billionaire made it the symbol of his entire legacy. The bat!
Despite the nearly yearly films about a bat-themed vigilante, bats have a really bad rep. Almost everything considered common knowledge about them are actually just myths, and pretty hurtful myths at that.
First of all, bats aren’t actually blind. Yes, they use echolocation but that’s because they are nocturnal creatures and do most of their hunting at night. Bats generally have small eyes but some actually have pretty good vision, however, when you’re hungry and hunting in pitch black darkness, your ears are more useful than eyes.
Which brings us to our second myth, not all bats drink blood. There are ‘vampire bats’ that feed on the blood of cattle, horses, birds and only rarely; humans. But these creatures do not suck blood like vampires, they make small cuts and then lap up the overflow. Most species of bats feed on fruits, insects and smaller mammals.
Yes, I said small-er not just small. Did you know that bats are mammals? Not rodents or spawns of hell. Mammals. And they hold the title of the only flying mammal to exist. No, flying squirrels do not count because their name is misleading and an undeserved exaggeration, those critters glide. Bats fly. Studies even revealed that the wings of a bat bear similarities to the human hand. They have five bones, including a thumb with a claw. Their wings are a layer of thin skin stretched across these bones. Like webbed hands basically.
And just like humans, bats are everywhere. Except extreme polar and desert regions, there are species of bats in almost every region of the world. Rainforest, wetlands, grasslands, the abandoned haunted house in the suburbs, they’ve all got bats. And despite their… off-putting appearance, bats are actually essential pollinators. Yes, bats also enjoy frolicking in the fields. Some species of bats feed on flower nectar, fruits and/or insects so they picked up a side-hustle as pollinators.
A true story, however, is that bats hang upside down, from trees and in caves. Some bat species hibernate this way, although not all species hibernate, but rather migrate during the winter months. Bats do not nest because, as previously established, they are not birds. The females form maternity roosts to give birth and take care of their young until they can fly but bats can often be found roosting alone or in groups. Just to be clear, roosting means ‘not flying’ or ‘resting’. Not all mammals live exciting lives like we humans.
Here’s three random facts. Bats are clean animals, they groom themselves and each other. They have belly buttons due to their mammalian nature. And bats have massive appetites (relative to their size), apparently flying and screeching really take it out of you.
And just to clear the air, when bats seemingly swoop in on you, they’re actually gunning for the insects that hover around your hair, not you. You don’t matter to them. Even vampire bats rarely feed on humans, much less attack a fully conscious one. That being said, do not under any circumstances, approach them or disturb their roosts.
That is it for today, thank you for reading and do spread some love to our flying mammalian cousins. They might be unapproachable and terrifying, but if they go extinct, say goodbye to bananas, mangoes and avocados and hello to the insect revolution. I do hope you learned something or at least smiled once, thank you for coming to my Ted talk.
