Before you make any New Year’s resolutions, learn this
Change is hard.
People make promises and new year’s resolutions, have plans and then lack follow through, circuiting back to their old selves. This is a brief insight into the behavioral neuroscience, philosophy, and psychology around ‘change’, that can give you a well-rounded perspective to finally make whatever changes you need to make.
“You don’t rise to the level of your goals. You fall to the level of your systems” J.C. — Atomic Habits
James Clear talks about the role of ‘identity change’ in creating long-lasting habits in his masterpiece ‘Atomic Habits’, and it has been the best thing I’ve come across for creating substantial lasting changes. Simply put, before jumping impulsively to do or act in a certain way, proceed with “I’m the kind of person who ______” and go on with that new identity in mind, it’s a very powerful shift; your new identity will help create and anchor any new changes you’d like to see permanent.
Doctor Maltz describes something similar in his book “Psychocybernetics”, in which he suggests that every single person has their own cybernetic mechanism that is self-regulating and acts as s steering wheel always course-correcting the person to act in accordance to what they believe to be their ‘identity’, and unless they shift that ‘personal identity’ into what they instead need to be, any change would be transient and soon they would be steered back into their default self.
“The world will ask you who you are, and if you don’t know, it’ll tell you”
-Carl Jung
Now that you have the formula for ‘change’, it might be hard to make the shift into that new identity since the old one had been there for so long and had made such an imprint, don’t be discouraged, it’s perfectly normal. From the perspective of existential philosophy, there is no human nature, Jean-Paul Sartre argues, there is only a human condition. Having been ‘thrown’ into the world, we constantly create and recreate ourselves as our lives unfold.*
Getting a hold of your own identity however, can be challenging, especially when it’s relational; Sartre, again, perfectly demonstrates this in his play ‘No Exit’; simply put, we don’t experience the world alone, some parts of our identity are thus bound to be reflected to us by people we’re surrounded by, and to change those very aspects of your identity, you might have to work harder than you previously thought, you might want to take a hard deep look at the people and relationships around you because those have to reflect the identity you want to enforce, otherwise, you’d be frustrated trying to walk uphill with the chains of the people around you.
Enforcing a new identity can be difficult at the beginning, that’s where most people quit, but you don’t have to. What you’ll see below is the natural trajectory of starting anything new, now, once you become familiar with the timeline, you’ll know where to persevere to get through ‘the valley of despair’, that’s where most people fail.
Now that you are aware of what takes hold of your capacity for ‘change’, here is some practical advice to make actual changes:
- Mindfulness: There is a subtle, yet, very potent skill you gain with practicing mindfulness meditation that isn’t talked about enough. There is usually that split second between thinking and taking action, what mindfulness simply does, is that it turns that split second into a full second, and now you have just enough space and time to make a different decision before impulsively engaging in old behavioral patterns; so practice.
- Creating micro routines: Most grand changes boil down to small habits that simply compound in effect over time. (read more on creating and maintaining new behavior in Atomic Habits by James Clear)
- The ‘Alter Ego’ effect: When you find yourself struggling to embrace the new identity, you can shortcut your way around that by finding an ‘alter ego’, and use that until you bridge the gap between where you are and where you want to be. (check the alter ego effect by Todd Herman)
“People are actually more committed to being right about their shortcomings than being free.” — Peter Crone
- If you’re a spiritual person by any means, you’ll find the practice of ‘shadow work’ and diving into the hidden aspects of your identity very powerful, it will help you understand your patterns and what you can do to go from here to where you want to be. (More on ‘Shadow work’ by Teal Swan and Byron Katie)
Change is the only constant, at the essence of our being, we are creatures that have managed to evolve and persevere through our innate potential for adaptability and change, and without it, we simply perish.
Good luck on your beautiful journey!
“No one needs to paint oneself into a corner; no one needs to be completely hemmed in by circumstances; no one needs to be the victim of one’s biography.” — George Kelly
Further reading:
Atomic Habits by James Clear
Psychocybenetics by Maxwell Maltz
*Existence Precedes Essence: What Sartre Really Meant | Philosophy Break
**https://community.thriveglobal.com/how-to-avoid-the-valley-of-despair/
Personality 21: Biology and Traits: Performance Prediction lecture by J. B. Peterson, setting goals and creating behavioral change.
