In Times of Uncertainty, What Is Knowable? An Exercise.
Right now, the world is a mess. COVID-19 has amputated us from each other and the ways we are used to navigating life’s challenges. Black people are continuing to be harmed and murdered by police. We’re all at our wits end as to when this pandemic will be conquered enough to resume some sort of normalcy (including “new normal”).
Each and every one of us is facing uncertainty. How much and in what specific ways depends on your complex identity and life circumstances. But the one thing that is true is that we are not alone in having to face uncertainty right now.
Humans don’t do well with uncertainty.
Some cope better than others (and that’s based on a bunch of things including the temperament you were born with), but in general, we’re not wired to manage the unknown without duress. Our brains and nervous systems are constantly trying to accurately predict threat and plan for how we will deal with that. When faced with uncertainty, we can experience a myriad of intense thoughts, turbulent and seemingly mixed feelings, and a sense of having complex needs. So, if that’s the case, how do we deal with this ever changing landscape of uncertainty, of unknown?
One strategy that can consequently alleviate some suffering from uncertainty is ascertaining what is knowable versus what is unknowable.
“Every single moment has knowns and unknowns.”
Identifying what is actually knowable can help us re-root to ourselves in times of suffering. Not in an attempt to side-step or negate what is unknown and the pain around it, but to expand out to the whole picture in the service of helping us better respond to ourselves. If you’re struggling with uncertainty right now, the following exercise may be of benefit to you.
Instructions:
What You’ll Need: Paper and pen (hand writing encourages greater emotional contact than typing so dig out the ole’ notebook) and 5–10 minutes to reflect in a quiet space.
What To Do: Start by taking 3 deep breaths in and out (eyes open or closed). Just really taking a moment to anchor to being right here, right now. Next, consider: What is unknowable right now for you? Write down all of the things you just can’t know about whatever seems relevant to you at the moment; maybe this includes when the pandemic will end, or whether you will be safe because of one of your identities, or what you want to do with your life. Regardless, list out what is unknowable right now no matter how much you may want to figure it out or solve it.
After you’ve compiled your list, take a look at it. There might be more (or less) there than you expected. Notice if there’s anything arising in you emotionally or physically. Perhaps overwhelm is there, perhaps numbness. Regardless of what it is, see if you can offer yourself a gesture of kindness by just acknowledging how it is to have this uncertainty in your life. Maybe saying to yourself, “Wow, this is a lot, no wonder I’ve been really struggling lately.” We tend to respond to the unknown by grasping for information or data, hoping for a hit of something to calm us down. So, also notice if there’s any urge to fix, solve, or grasp. See if you can again offer yourself a gesture of kindness by just acknowledging how hard it is to sit with this. Maybe saying to yourself, “It makes sense I don’t want this, it’s really hard.”
Now, consider What is knowable right now for you? Write down all of the things you do know right now about whatever seems relevant to you at the moment. Think broadly and creatively about this. What we know includes what we can see, hear, taste, smell, touch, feel, and value. For example, maybe you know you are committed to being a loving parent, or an ally for your community. Maybe you know that you feel safe in your neighborhood, even if not in the larger, more public space. Maybe you know that you are full from lunch.
After you’ve compiled your list, take a look at it. There might also be more (or less) there than you expected. Notice if there’s anything arising in you emotionally or physically. Perhaps there’s relief. Perhaps there’s still numbness. Regardless, see if you can offer yourself that same kindness for whatever is there. If ease or relief is there, try offering gratitude. Maybe offering yourself a simple “Thank you”or acknowledgment “I am ok in this moment.” If pain is there, maybe saying to yourself, “I may not be able to solve all of these problems, but I know that I care. There’s no other way I should be feeling right now” or even words of encouragement, “This hurts, and I am doing the best that I can right now.”
To close out, take 3 deep breaths (eyes open or closed). Inquire if you notice any differences in how you feel, think, or sense from before the exercise.
This practice is always available to you wherever and whenever. If you find yourself in overwhelm from uncertainty, take a few deep breaths and look for what is actually knowable and unknowable. Allow what is knowable to root you back to yourself in the moment and your values, offering kindness along the way. Not in an attempt to get rid of uncertainty, which is an inevitability of existence, or our desire for control, also a human mind inevitability. But rather because it is what is already here and when we resist what is reality, we cause ourselves more suffering. As self-compassion researcher, Dr. Kristin Neff, says:
“When we struggle, we give ourselves compassion not to feel better, but because we feel bad.”
