The Secret Life of Your COVID-19 Nasal Swab

What really happens behind the scenes…

Nasal swab test being conducted with a little resistance from the subject (Photo by Bernd Viefhues on Unsplash).

Despite the outstanding achievements of the international biotechnology industry’s record-blasting development of the COVID-19 vaccine, we must continue wearing masks, social distancing, and taking those pesky nasal swab tests for most of 2021. For many of us, once that swab has left the warm, moist confines of our nasopharyngeal cavity, we don’t think about it again until we get that email ping notifying us of a (hopefully) negative result.

But what really happens to that swab? How does the medical-industrial complex so quickly decide the contents of that email form letter?

I’ll uncover some of those spicy details for you here.

Martial swabs…

I’ve watched a number of these nasal swab from afar, peeking voyeuristically while I parked my car in the garage, so I know exactly how these tests go. It’s like this…

I’ll drive up to the test station — really just a couple of hastily erected tents and tables just inside the parking garage. I’ll wait behind dozens of other cars and then pull up a little more and get my appointment confirmed and wait some more. Eventually one of the gowned, shielded, and masked nurses will approach me and ask some questions and fill out a form and…