Consuming Too Much Self-Help Content? Do This Instead
I have been down the self-help rabbit hole. Reading multiple books, articles everyday, and following every self-improvement Guru on social media.
I am not against it. I believe everyone should strive towards self-improvement. But after some time, consuming more self-help content becomes counter-productive. All advice starts to sound the same. All investing advice boils down to invest in index funds. All fitness advice is to eat healthy and workout. The law of diminishing returns kicks in. For each hour you spend on such content, you are getting less value. Even worse, you start feeling bad about yourself for not doing enough to improve.
Self-help is a multi-billion dollar industry and it is easy to get sucked in. If I look at the Amazon books best sellers, 7 out of 10 are self-help. Every time you read Tim Ferris, or watch Gary Vee, you feel inspired. It’s a dopamine hit. Your mind is already imagining the things you could do. It feels great. But a month later, nothing has changed. You just read another article or find a new podcast and the cycle repeats. If this sounds like you, you should stop consuming more self-help and do this instead.
- Figure out what you want to change
There’s a reason you are addicted to self-help. What is it that you are looking to achieve? There are typically two types of reasons for it — either there is something fundamental about your life that you want to change. Maybe you want to be richer, healthier, happier or more liked. Or you are generally happy with yourself, but you hope to learn something new. Like a new morning routine, or some new technique to boost your productivity. Narrowing down what you want will help you set goals and measure progress.
2. Think about the work that you are willing to do
I would love to be a rockstar, performing in stadiums for thousands of people. But do I actually want to sing or write songs? Not really. I dreaded music lessons in high school. I just like the idea of being a rock star, not the actual work involved in it. Too often, we get fixated on the end result. We look at Logan Paul or Drake and think about the money and fame they have. But do you actually want to be an MMA fighter or a rapper? If yes, then good for you. Follow them and see what you can learn. If not, you are getting upset over a fantasy.
So don’t think of just the end goal. Think about the work that will get you there. Be realistic about how much you are willing to do. If your goal is to travel around the world, are you willing to work remotely? If your current job does not allow remote work, are you willing to switch jobs or take up freelancing? This is where the rubber meets the road, and you realize what is and isn’t feasible. Once you have a decent idea of what you are willing to do, proceed to the next step.
3. Act
Step 1 was to figure out what your goal is. Step 2 should give you an idea of what you can do to bring yourself closer to your goal. The third step is the easiest to understand but the hardest to do. It is to act. No matter how much you read about driving a car, you cannot do it till you get behind the wheel.
We tend to fall into the trap of over-optimizing. Everything needs to be figured out before you actually do it. When I first decided I need to work out, I didn’t actually do it for weeks because I was trying to find the best workout routine and the best gym for maximum results. This is called analysis paralysis, and self-help addicts are especially prone to fall into it. It is hard not to when everyone is trying to tell you how everything you are doing is wrong. The truth is that doing something is better than doing nothing. Don’t try to perfect everything at once. Just start, and figure it out on the way.
4. Be Kind to Yourself
Life’s a marathon, not a sprint. You will make mistakes, you will slip up. Be kind to yourself. Think about what went wrong and how you can get back. Remember that progress is not linear. There will be times when you fall back instead of going forward. But as long as you keep at it for a few years, you will be far closer to your goal than where you are today. You might think that you are helping yourself by being harsh. That is not true. There is scientific evidence that positive enforcement is a better motivator than criticism. So don’t be too self-critical. Focus long-term.
Also, don’t compare yourself to others. It’s a lost cause. There will always be someone richer, fitter, happier than you. And with social media, you will constantly be bombarded with such examples. If you read self-help, you probably already know this — You are only competing with yourself.
5. What to Read Instead?
If you have decided to reduce your self-help consumption, you might be looking for other content to consume instead.
Once you follow the steps above, and start acting towards your goals, you will realize what you are lacking. It could be certain skills, or ways to deal with certain situations. Maybe you started freelancing but don’t know how to build a portfolio, or you started working out but don’t know how to deadlift. Now you have a more purpose-driven approach to finding content.
When I decided to switch from a Software engineer to an engineering manager, I read books by Will Larson and Camille Fournier, who made the same switch not that long ago and are now CTOs. If you have decided you need to save and invest more, look for content creators who were in your shoes some time ago and are doing the same.
Don’t only limit yourself to advice. I have found it more helpful to read examples and anecdotes of people who did what am trying to do. Harvard Business School relies extensively on case studies. Because it is one thing to read advice, but another to see it in action. Watching Ted Lasso might teach you more about leadership than reading another book on 10 ways to be a better leader. Most importantly, incorporate your learnings into real life — iterate and improve.
