Everything You Need to Know about Narcissism
This person could be anyone. That one friend, ex-boyfriend, her mother, or even a politician whom we regularly watch on television. That one person who doesn’t give a fuck about anyone but himself and his motives. Their presence feels negative, or even toxic at times. You all know about whom I am talking about here. We all have people like that in our lives.
But how can we really differentiate whether a person is a narcissist or a highly motivated man? And are people like them really that negative as this term feels like? Is it a disorder, or do we all possess narcissism to some extent? And who sets the limit?
This article is intended to provide a basic outlook to all the questions based on science (Of course!) and personal experiences. So let’s begin!
Narcissism vs Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD)
While one is a personality trait, the other one is a mental condition. One is there within us to some extent while the other is quite messed up and a subsequent result.
We all are born with a need to feel important. We all develop our own sets of insecurities with time, and these do tend to reflect on our personalities. One day we are empathetic, while on the other day, we don’t give a rat’s ass about our neighbour's pneumonia.
We shouldn’t be harsh about any of those aspects, even if we find some of it in ourselves. These all make us humans in a broader sense.
So yes, narcissism is present to some extent in all of us. And it is important as well. Think about it. If people like Bill Gates hadn’t thought that they were important, if they didn’t have some selfish motives, if they hadn’t sacrificed other things to get where they are today, we wouldn’t be talking about them right now. They are only able to help the world and the economy because there was something driving them.
And yes! That something isn’t always positive, but more so about how we see it.
While on the other hand, the textbook definition of NPD says this:
“Narcissistic personality disorder is a mental disorder in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance and a deep need for admiration. Those with narcissistic personality disorder believe that they’re superior to others and have little regard for other people’s feelings. But behind this mask of ultra-confidence lies a fragile self-esteem, vulnerable to the slightest criticism.”
Yup, that’s pretty much it. If you identify yourself with this disorder or feel someone you care about does, you should consider getting in touch with a psychotherapist. Even if these definitions are emanated in broader terms, we are all pretty different. We all need someone who can really understand who we are subjectively.
Now when this is cleared. Where is this narcissism originating from? Let’s find out!
The Origin of Narcissism
The flower on the left-hand side isn’t just beautiful but holds the story behind the origin of this word we are using today.
This flower is known as Narcissus. More than 2000 years ago, a beautiful Greek hunter saw his reflection in the pool of water and got enchanted by it. He spent his whole life admiring his amazing self until he died.
This flower grew on that place where he laid, and that’s how we got this term.
We all can see somewhat where he was coming from. Some references from childhood can take us back there. But is it only associated with the experience, or there is some biology involved here as well?
As it turns out, there is. It is related to oxidative stress inside us and the imbalance of a molecule present in our body. It has been shown in people with NPD. That’s what the study shows.
“Narcissistic and Borderline Personality Disorder: Relationship with Oxidative Stress,” published in March in the Journal of Personality Disorders, found that elevated concentrations of the molecule called 8-OH-DG, an oxidative stress biomarker, were similar in people with NPD and Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD).
So as we observe, narcissism isn’t as simple as it seems in the first instance. Psychologists have had many debates and varying studies related to this trait or disorder. Before we go further with the reasoning more, let’s have a look at the two major sub-categories of narcissism.
Grandiose and Vulnerable Narcissists
When we think about narcissists, it is usually the grandiose narcissists we think about. They seem loud and proud, bold, assertive, have higher self-esteem and lack emotional intelligence and empathy to a great degree. Initially these traits might come off as exciting, but the shallowness becomes prevalent pretty soon in this case.
The other one is the shallower end of this pool. They have low self-esteem, are hypersensitive, are vindictive and defensive. They can come off as exhausting personalities.
While grandiose narcissists are in some studies looked more positively upon and vulnerable narcissists negatively upon, they are both driven by ego and a heightened sense of self.
The thing about ego is, it is shallow in the first place. That is why, in the longer run, both types have to suffer because of lack of EQ or Emotional Quotient. EQ is related with empathy and emotional intelligence required in any relationship.
In a study, people who are identified as Grandiose Narcissists tend to rate their EQ also higher because of their sense of elated self. They believe they empathise with people more than they actually do.
The Drive of Insecurity
Grandiose narcissists aren’t necessarily hated. In fact, during times of crisis or when it comes to leadership, we usually tend to trust them. But why? It is because they tend to believe in themselves no matter how shallow that belief is.
They are driven by status. They want recognition more than anything else. But at some level, we all want that. Don’t we? That deserved promotion or to be the centre of attention in front of friends or especially when the crush is around. That is there and is respected as long as one can be trusted with those qualities.
But the thing about a desire like that is it is a highly vulnerable state to be in. There are positive aspects of having some aspects of narcissism, but that doesn’t necessarily change the fact that it is ego-driven and can turn negative in splits of seconds.
But what is the driving force?
Are those posts on Instagram to be blamed where they are asking you to love yourself? How would you really know when it is not about boosting self-esteem anymore?
High Self-esteem vs Narcissism
This is the final point of this article. If we can truly differentiate between the two, we wouldn’t have to suffer in the long run.
Narcissists do have leadership qualities, they do have a little charisma from an outsider’s perspective. But that in no way covers up the fact that they have certain negative qualities that starts feeding on them from inside.
There is a fine quote from Seth Rosenthal that states:
A bit more “look at me…” isn’t necessarily more narcissistic if it’s not also accompanied by more “…and give me everything I want because I’m superior, so I deserve it.”
Narcissism feels childish because the world doesn’t owe anything to us. The world isn’t unfair. It is just filled with people like us. That’s why the most gifted people are driven by a force to become proficient in their field. Recognition is secondary for them and sometimes also maybe a burden.
But easier said than done. Society and social media promote narcissism. The amount of narcissists in today’s age is much larger than what we had experienced once. Our parenting is also either too harsh or too saccharine. How many of us have experienced that sweet spot where we are taught to chase excellence? Hardly any!
Instead of promoting toxic positivity and ideas of self-love, we need to go to greater depths to understand what positivity and self-love in a grand scheme is.
High self-esteem isn’t driven by ego but knowledge, while in the case of narcissism, there is no place for true knowledge because of one’s alleged superiority.
