How others evaluate you reflects his heart. 10 psychological truths, every sentence pokes your heart
How others evaluate you reflects his heart. 10 psychological truths, every sentence pokes your heart
We worry about being replaced and robbed;
We suffer from the judgment of others;
Trapped in the “ocean of bitterness” and not being respected…
So today, I would like to share with you the 10 essences of the summary.
Sentences are wonderful, let’s take a look
01
How others treat you reflects his heart.
There was a strong woman in my workshop who was in constant pain.
Because she is an executive of a foreign company, she is often told by her leaders that she is “not thinking about making progress, and is living on her laurels”.
Confused by the fact that this woman is positive, proactive, and aggressive and gets poor reviews.
In the past, she often argued with the leaders to prove herself.
When she heard the concept of “projection” in psychology, she suddenly understood:
It turned out that the leader’s treatment of me was a reflection of his heart.
Her leader is a weak person who is used to avoidance. When he said that he “doesn’t think about making progress and lives on his laurels”, he was dissatisfied with himself.
If our heart is full of attacks on ourselves, it will also be projected into the external relationship, which is called “projection”.
After this woman understood, she was no longer in a hurry to refute the leader and prove herself, and she suddenly became more enlightened.
When she is reprimanded by the leader again, she can smile slightly and say: Oh, aren’t you talking about yourself?
So, don’t be easily shaken by others in your heart.
02
Don’t criticize your “past self” from the standpoint of “now”.
After many people grow up, they are full of shame about their “past self”, such as:
“Why was I so stupid, so stupid?”
“The choice I made at the time was too wrong, which led to a bad life now.”
Depending on this, you have a kind of contempt for your “past self”, which leads to a kind of tearing.
Although you have grown, you have not enjoyed the joy of growth, but it has become a burden.
We need to understand:
Your current height is for better understanding and acceptance of your “past self”, not for criticism.
03
Most people seem to be immersed in “the sea of interpersonal bitterness”.
The so-called sea of bitterness in interpersonal relationships refers to:
Everyone wants to ask others for some “good feelings” to prove that “I am right and I am good”;
At the same time, I want to throw out my “bad feelings”, which leads to “you are wrong, you are bad”.
This is all about protecting yourself on the narcissistic dimension.
The solution is to leave the obsession with maintaining narcissism, focus energy on the matter itself, and tell yourself:
I can do it.
In this way, we can respect where we are, understand and accept ourselves, and move forward.
04
You can have such pride: I am greater than everything.
When there is such pride, there is freedom from some unconscious involvement.
When you have such pride, you can also reject some external projections.
This is not to encourage you to fall into narcissism, but as Solzhenitsyn said:
“Everyone is the center of the universe.”
And, when you truly respect “I”, you will refuse soberly and devote yourself soberly.
And those things selected by “I”, we can fully devote ourselves to them, and finally, reach “self-forgetfulness”.
05
We are always worried that we will be robbed and replaced, so we are prone to anxiety.
The easiest thing to rob us is ourselves.
Because we always put the needs of others first,
On the one hand, they can’t see their value, but give up all kinds of resources;
On the other hand, it also puts “expectations” on the outside world and comforts itself with the achievements of others.
This is a form of self-deprivation.
On the contrary, when we think more about our own needs, we can see the side of me that cannot be plundered and replaced.
Many anxieties and fears will naturally disappear.
06
When you feel dissatisfied with yourself, think of it this way:
It is already a kind of success for every adult to be able to live safely until now.
My growth has also been “troublesome”, just take the eyes as an example.
When I was a child, I was stabbed in the eye with a nail. Fortunately, it only hit the bone, otherwise, the eye would be broken.
When I was in junior high school, the pink eye was prevalent. My eyes were red for three months. I often had to get injections, cover my eye patch, and became a “one-eyed dragon” for some time.
After recovering, I was busy with schoolwork and started wearing glasses again.
In extreme cases, some people’s living conditions can be said to be better than 99.99% of people in all aspects. However, he is still in pain, because he fantasizes that life should be perfect and that there can be only happiness without pain.
So many times, our unrealistic expectations are the source of our pain.
Most of these unrealistic expectations are resistance to pain, but you don’t realize that too much pain is a gift of life. Without these pains, you will not be able to shape your life and character in the end.
07
Buffett said that the most important choice in life is marriage.
When we choose a life partner, we must not only evaluate how this person is but also make individual choices.
I’ve seen too many people choose a partner for one reason: the person isn’t bad.
But in fact, there is no consideration of whether they are suitable for each other or whether they like each other.
Until the two people are not suitable, he persuaded himself like this: After all, the other party didn’t make any big mistakes!
However, you have foreseen that bad things are bound to happen over time.
At this time, you still persuade yourself: After all, it is just an imagination, and it hasn’t happened yet…
This not only harms their interests but also gives up the right to choose happiness.
So when it comes to big things, make personal choices and respect your feelings.
In particular, choosing to end an inappropriate relationship is important.
08
There are 2 ways to live life.
One way of living is to live correctly.
The so-called correctness is to always pay attention to how others see you and desire to be “good”.
When we always want to be recognized, we dare not live deeply, dare not do something rebellious and different.
On the surface, he became a “too good” person, but in fact, he was seriously weak inside.
This is a relatively simple and not brave way of living.
Another way to live is to live according to your feelings.
You have to believe: I originally felt good.
When we live like this, like heroes, it’s very personal. Although you find that there is only one yourself in the vast sea of people, you will feel lonely and have some worries, but you know how to perceive yourself, which is fundamental.
Relatively speaking, this is a way of living that requires more courage.
Are you living rightly, always wanting approval from others, or living according to how you feel?
09
“Happiness” cannot be actively sought, it can only be a by-product.
Many people count on:
If I have a lot of rest, I will be happy, if I have no worries, I will be happy.
Quite the opposite.
If you’re taking too much rest and killing time, it means —
On the one hand, you shut out the shocks and challenges of life and close yourself off;
On the other hand, you have no investment in the outside world and no full relationship with things.
Then you realize: your life is meaningless.
Therefore, only when you need to work hard, invest, and collide, will you experience flow and gain happiness along the way.
10
To be present is to experience what you are doing with all your heart as you are doing it.
Eating is an example.
A table of food, when I eat, I think it is fragrant, delicious, and delicious.
Because we regard it as an object that “I” want to eat and are willing to absorb; the mind also regards it as a good thing, so it produces a good feeling.
But after eating, I regard them as leftovers, and I will feel disgusted and repulsed.
Because it has become the dross that “I” wants to throw away; the mind also regards it as a bad thing that should be eliminated, so it has a negative feeling.
You see, the external things have not changed, the key is the will of “I” to “You”.
When I “wouldn’t” the present moment is negative;
And I have “willingness”, so ordinary things can shine.
