I’m Petite And I Like It, Away With The Body-Shaming
Even we the tiny ones are stigmatized.
I live in a city where friends, family, colleagues, acquaintances, and everyone “knows” the acceptable body size. Because I’m tiny, I’m of the wrong size. Worse that I am a woman, surely I should have a “fuller” figure (whatever that means).
I am bullied, advised, backbitten, and laughed at all because I’m too small. By their standard, I’m damned if I eat little and damned if I eat much.
As one who has been there, and is still there, I assure you, don’t lose your appetite or your peace to this lot. It’s just not worth it.
Who are these people and what do they want?
- Relatives telling me I’m way too tiny.
With their wondering eyes that seem to focus on others. They tell me how the root cause of being tiny is the lack of peace of mind.
Who told them I am unhappy?
I know that even if I shout it on the rooftop that I’m fine, they’ll still pull out their microscopes to check out for any micro-issues “eating” me up. Teamwork is key here just for their gossip.
Why can’t they all leave me alone? Oh, I almost forgot that family members' role is to nug one another. F**k.
- My in-laws think I should put on weight.
That in that way, my home people will know that their son is taking good care of me. He is taking good care of me.
I eat. Or should I eat my head off just to get “there”? Who said I wanted to be “there”.
- Workmates are another lot.
If you work in some hall with more than 30 other colleagues then you are up for it.
In these open spaces is where bullying finds home. Someone is comfortable shouting from one corner to another that “even If you drink cooking oil, you can’t add even 1g” — Pauline you were so mean to me.
If they see me eating well, then I’m wasting food, nothing is gonna come of it. If I lack appetite and I leave food on the plate, still I’m wasting food. My dears, it’s your life, forget about the noise and live it.
- Friends or someone mistaken to be a friend.
How do you play Ms. righteous and tell me straight that I have poor genes? How far can people’s egos lead them? Even to play God?
These self-righteous people seem to believe it is upon them to point out errors in creation. Not that they’re perfect,— if perfection is there.
Some just find happiness in trying to break other people down. I don’t bother because I love and treasure myself. I know that adding pounds won’t take me anywhere — my BMI is within range, thank God.
They used every opportunity to belittle and demean me in their talks, I was used as a means to create laughter either in gatherings or social media.
I don’t know where you are reading from, but here where I’m writing from, being fat is one of the signs of having money and a good life. Shannon Ashley you should come to Africa.
My dear plus-size women, you are not the only ones bullied. But you together with the slim us should not give a damn to society. I don’t in any way suggest we ignore our health. Let’s do our best to make healthy decisions and leave the rest to God.
Here is how to deal with these “perfect” people
Ignore the noise.
“Saying nothing sometimes says the most.” — Emily Dickinson.
I’ve tried to stand up to my accusers and justify my weight and how healthy, happy and confident I am to be small-bodied but no one wants to believe that.
These days, I don’t mind what they say. I am over it. My slender and tall build is something I adore. If someone else thinks it’s not good enough, then well, they have their own bodies to mold into “perfection”.
Life is too short. I don’t let my joy be taken away by non-issues.
Don’t take it personally.
“How people treat you is their karma; how you react is yours.” — Wayne Dyer.
I failed at this horribly when I joined the corporate world. My supervisor liked to talk down at me and demean my small body build in any meetings. It seemed to get worse with time. As if she was perfection.
One time I let my emotions lead and went way overboard to talk loudly and abusively back to her. I fed my tongue with mean words without a care in the world. She was quiet this time. Years have passed but, she has never repeated these mean words.
It seemed like a win but it is not like me to stoop so low to the bad habits. I felt (and still feel) bad for saying those mean words.
I try not to focus on someone’s feelings about my small body size. Most times it is a pointer to their own insecurities in certain areas of their lives. They think they can feel better pointing out others’ flaws.
Self-care.
“Our bodies are our gardens, to which our wills are gardeners.” — William Shakespeare.
It is up to each one of us to keep ourselves in the right state of mind, take good care of our bodies and look well-groomed. If we feel good about yourselves, we won’t bother with people who are trying to tear us down.
I for one embraced and love my petite body. The negative words people say enter through my one ear and quickly move out through the other ear. There is no room in my head for such.
I make conscious decisions that help me stay healthy, positive, free, growing, and happy.
Be confident.
“I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; marvelous are Your works, and that my soul knows very well.” — Psalms138:14.
There you have it. A creative like God wouldn’t be so monotonous as to create look-alike beings, no, He molded each of us separately. I live my life and not try to be someone else, there’s no happiness in it.
I’m petite and I like it.
If I think I’m an underdog, I am. I see myself as a queen, a beauty, and a woman of valor.
Success, happiness, and bountifulness follow as I go through each day working and living with confidence.
Keep connecting.
“We cannot live for ourselves alone. Our lives are connected by a thousand invisible threads and, along these sympathetic fibers, our actions run as causes and return to us as results.” — Herman Melville
There are many situations where I need a friend, a shoulder to lean on, someone to cheer me up. Who knows what tomorrow brings. Who knows which door I’ll need help opening.
I’ve had my fair share of being alone when I need people with me. It’s a bad feeling. It’s good to bring in the human you in whatever interactions you have. I’m an introvert who is working on being more social. Tomorrow, I’ll tell you how it’s going
When I feel I belong, the negative energy from some mean group-mate doesn’t bother me.
Set and maintain boundaries.
“Choose to be pro-active, assertive and self-defining.”― Bryant McGill.
People around me mustn’t use me as a source of their entertainment, a spittoon.
I’ve been seen as inferior due to my small weight, I let them have fun for too long. I delayed setting the boundaries because I knew I love my tiny body and it didn’t bother me what others said.
I could have stopped this earlier. But I didn’t. I learned to come out clear after that.
It’s way better to communicate your limits early and not compromise.
Beauty comes in different forms. Unless being skinny or fat is to the extreme that poses health risks, I don’t see why you should struggle to be someone else. Even when you are in the extreme, don’t look down at yourself or allow anyone to look down at you.
