Our choice of friends- over a lifetime- and what they mean to us
From Childhood to the Present…
There’s an old cliche´ you are the company you keep. Just how important is the choice of friends in defining who we are? And do cliches derived by old sages still hold weight?
The late NBA Basketball great, Wilt Chamberlain, once said his greatest accomplishment was acquiring the friends that he had. In a speech years ago to students at his alma mater, Overbrook High School in Philadelphia, Wilt said, “Choose your friends wisely. It’s the most important thing you can do.”
The Choices We Make
Are the friends we choose over a lifetime an extension of our upbringing, or genetics? Either way, there may always be a question of our control over who we choose to spend time with, and who we allow ourselves to be influenced by.
My older siblings still maintain many of their cherished childhood friendships- and at times this leaves me a bit jealous. It’s been a different story in terms of my friends that have come and gone over the years. I now surrounded myself with some cherished souls, however that wasn’t always the case.
A Long Look Back
It’s a joy to recall hanging with my neighborhood buddies and the wacky stuff we did as kids. From playing sports in the street, to sleep-overs, and mischief on those summer nights when we camped in the back yard. These were great memories for sure.
But then I cut ties with a couple of those pals as we moved into our 20’s and totally lost contact. Their lack of support and encouragement during my late adolescence when my self-esteem was still fragile moved me to abandon these relationships.
Though they were part of my fondest early memories they eventually wrought more consternation than joy, and so I am mostly at peace with that decision. But given the outlandish childhood antics we pulled off, the memories they evoke, and the childhood bonds they spawned, I still at times think back and question the wisdom of the break.
And Wilt’s words years ago played a role in this parting of ways. This was one of the many “assists” that he dealt in his lifetime though this one transcended the realm of sports.
I can recall “my company” from all stages of life and it’s a treasure trove of personal and professional relationships. There were also some friends from adulthood with whom I lost contact. At times this creates some uneasiness, and I question how the relationships dissipated. It’s easy for me to get sentimental about such things. Some might say, why bother?
Perhaps the logical conclusion is that some friends from my youth and early adulthood are no longer relevant to me- and vice versa. People grow and change their life direction.
The Ties That Bind
When I reflect on the mates in my life now it creates a wave of varied emotions that are both perplexing and rewarding.
What is perplexing is that I value deeply my close friendships, but wish that some were stronger. Though any relationship is a two-way street, I have a tendency to feel like I’m not giving enough back.
My closest comrades are always there and wanting the best for me. And I do the same for them- but I often feel I don’t strongly project my support and sense of caring for them. I still have work to do there, but as with any challenge, conquering it begins with a keen awareness of what needs fixing.
Who Loves Ya Baby
My friendships provide a great comfort and especially when contrasted with my extended family beyond my siblings, with whom I haven’t had much contact with since childhood. The lack of extended-family contact was largely my own choice, but in actuality, beyond our adolescent years, we just never meshed.
Fortunately, my cherished mates have been like family. Earlier this year my friend Michael stunned me with his response when I shared that I was moving out of the area. He said, “this town will never be the same.” His surprising exclamation was one of many that affirmed my decision to re-evaluate my moving plans.
And it’s moments such as these that can reawaken us to what our loved ones really mean to us. In moving on, should the connections we made long ago, that were eventually lost, mean anything now?
And thus I’m left with a sobering realization: attention given to past relationships is just sand through an hourglass and thus time not invested in current, precious friendships. Perhaps the gestalt of it all is that I’m in a better place now, knowing that not all friendships are meant to last.
But then, I’m an idealist. Good friends can be hard to come by, and laying the memory of past mates to rest isn’t always easy. Thankfully, there is much I can do in the here and now to be a better friend.
