Ready To Leave Everything Behind? You’re Not Alone
“Once or twice in a lifetime, a man or woman may choose a radical leaving, having heard Lech L’cha — Go Forth. God disturbs us toward our destiny by hard events and by freedom’s now urgent voice which explode and confirm who we are. We don’t like leaving but God loves becoming.”
“Don’t you want to be surprised by how life turns out?” This question came to me last year. The answer was and is YES! But my actions weren’t aligned. I thought I was in the flow of life but really I was resisting the fuck out of it. Like hacking my way through a jungle with a machete (directional progress, but slow).
Since June 2020 I’ve been pretty quiet on social media — other than the occasional humorous video it’s been difficult to communicate what I’ve been experiencing.
Many of you know I’ve been going through some radical changes. And some of you have been experiencing something similar.
With no plan I left the startup I poured my heart and soul into. I left a community home I love. A town I love. A state I love. Lived in Santa Fe for a while. Sold my car. Rented and lived in a van for 3 months exploring the desert and mountains. Went to a 6 week mystery school off grid. Stored all my belongings and took just a backpack to Costa Rica. These events don’t even really begin to describe the real experience.
None of it was planned. At first I thought I might take a little break, and return to Boulder, and get back to work in a way that felt better to my heart. Almost immediately I realized I was in for a much deeper and longer ride.
Each step of the journey I thought I had some concept of what would happen next, only to realize pretty much immediately that the universe had way better plans for me than my little mind could come up with.
I’m sharing because one thing I’ve noticed is that A LOT of people are experiencing something similar — and are in various stages of accepting it and jumping in. I’m not talking about that first stage when we start to realize there is something greater to life, drink some ayahuasca and have a unity experience, develop some self-awareness, and maybe heal some trauma. I’m talking about deep soul initiation that asks us to give up literally everything about our prior life.
One of the things that has helped me through is understanding that what I’ve been experiencing is happening at scale on earth now. It is the world’s soul arriving through each of us individually.
And it can feel scary as fuck. Because the soul doesn’t care about the life the personality has created and the preferences it has.
We have lives we like. We worked fucking hard and took some scary risks to get here. We’re helping people. Yet something feels off. Something is calling. Pulling towards an unknown departure.
And questions abound. Because try as we might- this mysterious pull will not reveal the answers our minds crave.
If I stop working hard how the fuck do I pay for my life? Where do I go? What am I being called towards? Is it OK to not be productive? What if I waste a ton of time? How do I explain what is happening? What is this moving me towards?
The soul doesn’t care about any of these questions.
Soul doesn’t care if we keep making $10K a month. Or $4K. Or if our business survives. Soul doesn’t care that we feel productive. It doesn’t that our network or family can understand what we’re doing and think it’s cool. Soul doesn’t care that we feel clear about anything — except the feeling of love in our hearts. And that the experience of love grows and spreads.
I encourage everyone to do what it right and responsible for them. And know that if you are feeling a pull to make big changes- you are not alone. And it’s pretty fun. Once you die a few times ;)
Thanks for reading this article! I would love your comments or feedback.
