This Is Why You Can’t Find Anything On Your Kid’s Christmas List

Grinch bots are here, and they are stealing Christmas.

Twenty-five years ago, Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sinbad threw down.

There was drama. There was destruction. There was a magnificent prize. And it all went down for…a Christmas toy.

The movie Jingle All the Way was the story of their epic competition to find the last available Turbo Man, the most-coveted toy that holiday season. It made $129 million dollars worldwide on the backs of the desperation-to-MURDEROUS RAGE that parents feel as they try to make sure Christmas morning isn’t full of tears.

Which does have a slight tendency to kill to vibe.

Today, it’s twenty-five years later. We live in the future. Our hero’s struggle for the Most Desired Christmas Present is not against Sinbad.

It’s against bots, and the bots are winning.

What Are Grinch Bots?

Grinch bots (not gonna lie, it’s a good name) are bots that people use to snag the most popular toys off the shelves before the average shopper can even get in line. They’re mostly used by third-party sellers who want to resell the precious would-be Christmas gifts to shoppers at an increased price.

These bots make it super difficult to buy popular toys and other items (consoles, games) not just because they can operate at a speed that normal shoppers flat-out can’t, but because they can get around website security to buy whole inventories, making the toys impossible to find without some hefty price gouging.

In an even better development (massive sarcasm), these suckers are everywhere. According to this NBC article, “up to 97% of all online traffic to retailer login pages this holiday shopping week comes from bots.” Vom.

Sadly, Grinch-style Bots Are Not New

Bots swiping things at lightning speed and in large quantities so they can be resold is nothing new. In 2016, a law called the Better Online Ticket Sales (BOTS) Act made it illegal to use bots to circumvent limits on online ticket sales, buying up tickets to later resell them at inflated prices. Fun sidenote — the first legal action enforcing the BOTS act was actually taken in early 2021.

According to an FTC release,

“These ticket brokers used bots and other technical tricks to scoop up thousands of tickets to popular events as soon as they went on sale,” said Andrew M. Smith, Director of the FTC’s Bureau of Consumer Protection. “Not only does this deprive loyal fans of the chance to see their favorite performers and shows, it is against the law.”

(https://www.ftc.gov/news-events/press-releases/2021/01/ftc-brings-first-ever-cases-under-bots-act)

So, in common parlance — not only illegal, but rude. Jerk move, bot buyers. Jerk. Move.

Congress Swings Into Action, Because Eff Those Bots

Thankfully, Congress is again calling shenanigans. On Nov. 30, a group of Congresspeople introduced the Stopping Grinch Bots Act (which is awesome on both a conceptual and naming level). While even if it’s passed it won’t be an immediate solution to the Grinch Bot problem, it’s a good first step towards making sure future Christmases aren’t going to blast a deeper hole in people’s wallets or result in very disappointed kids.

For the average person right now, though, the best tactic seems to be persistent. Apparently, bots can crash retail sites, and when they come back online you have a chance to walk away with your prize.

And a happy Christmas morning 😊.