Musings About My Ego
Where does the ego come from? Why is it bad? Is it possible to get rid of it?
Asking my Zen teacher
We all sat on our zafus facing the center of the dojo — the meditation room. This was the opposite of what we normally did when we practiced zazen — Zen meditation — which we did facing the walls. At one side of the dojo, there was an altar with a statue of the Buddha, flowers and incense sticks. At the other end, sat Dokusho, our Zen teacher, wearing his brown kesa.
This was mondo: a formal question-and-answer period with the Zen teacher.
I joined my hands in gasho — the formal salute -, bowed and got up from my zafu. I walked to the center of the dojo to face Dokusho. I bowed to him and kneeled to ask my question.
“How can I get rid of my ego?”
“You don’t want to get rid of your ego. You need a strong ego to practice Zen. Otherwise, your determination will weaken and you’ll stop practicing.”
I was surprised by his answer. This is what is supposed to happen during mondo. The answers of the teacher are meant to shake your assumptions, to force you to look at things from a different point of view. But I also felt relieved. I didn’t have to understand what the ego was, something that I could not…
