Book Review
(A)MAZE-ing Twenties
Lessons from Dr. Meg Jay’s “The Twentysomething Treatment
When we’re young
we’re often told
“What’s your worry?
You’re still young
life should be a breeze”
But in reality
It’s not all simple and full of ease
misconceptions aplenty
we face each day
uncertainty looms
It won’t go away
Yet in this chaos
we mostly find our way,
with supportive relationships
the weak ties
and the strong bonds
some we seek out more
some we learn to move from
Validation and love
gently lighting our path
helping us get farther
on often uncertain terrain
acceptance and agency
are our genuine friends
guiding us steadfast
through ups and downs
Lessons from our 20s
a defining decade
with so much to learn
and much more to earn
if only to keep moving forward
with curiosity and pain
with hope and restraint
For life is a journey
a constant work in progress
with each step forward
we get to redefine
not just success
but also fulfillment
Life — is truly the best therapy!
I recently listened to a podcast — a conversation with Dr. Meg Jay, where the host, Forest Hanson, explored the intricate journey of navigating the turbulent seas of young adulthood. It was a great exploration that led me to get the book. Here’s a summary of the key insights from this very timely and useful book for anyone working with twentysomethings, who is currently a twentysomething, or has been a twentysomething in the past.
In learning more from Dr. Meg Jay, her work attempts to clarify two common misunderstandings about the twenties — the idea that it’s a carefree decade for self-discovery and the notion that it’s a time of boundless freedom and happiness. She argues that many individuals in their twenties face challenges like uncertainty and a lack of resources. She then explains that navigating uncertainty is tough for young adults, especially those without a strong sense of self derived from positive experiences. This uncertainty, combined with the abundance of mental health information, can lead to self-diagnosis and the labeling of normal experiences as disorders.
As a reminder, there really is art and science to the clinical concerns, and if you or a loved one is curious about what some of the things you read about might mean for you — please contact a licensed healthcare provider. There are many people out there who are skillful, trained, and want to help.
One intriguing concept from the book was the discussion of the strength of weak ties and identity capital: specifically, the significance of weak ties in uncovering new opportunities and experiences, alongside the concept of identity capital — accumulating experiences that shape one’s sense of self. So often, we find ourselves surrounded by people who look, feel, and think like us, and there is absolutely great power and comfort in finding these spaces for oneself. Dr. Meg then goes on to underscore the pivotal role of supportive relationships in fostering personal growth. These connections offer alternative perspectives and validate individuals’ experiences, catalyzing moments of profound change.
Throughout this book, I found myself thinking about the power of weak connections — people that you might meet as a second or third connection and have little in common with, but still, learn a new way to look, feel, and think differently and eventually make it your own unique identity. In my mind, this is akin to the many forces that shape our time on this planet — the electromagnetic forces, magnetic forces, and then gravity — arguably the weakest of them all and yet the most important one for us to feel grounded and connected to the world around us.
Finally, there is a message in the book that resonates well with someone who once lived through their 20s and now spends time working with several twentysomethings — to adopt the perspective of looking at life as a work in progress. It’s imperative to acknowledge that many individuals may not have their life’s purpose figured out by a specific age. Life unfolds as an ongoing journey of exploration and growth. It is with humility, acceptance, and agency that embracing uncertainty and focusing on what lies within our control emerge as crucial themes for twentysomethings. This echoes Carl Rogers’ notion that self-acceptance precedes meaningful change.
So — dear reader — I hope you will check out Dr. Meg Jay’s book, “The Twentysomething Treatment.” This insightful read offers invaluable guidance for the challenges and uncertainties inherent in young adulthood, underscoring the significance of supportive relationships, acceptance, and self-discovery in traversing this transformative stage of life. It is a valuable resource for individuals navigating their twenties and anyone interested in the intricacies of adult development. Go ahead — take the next step in your journey of self-discovery and give it a read/listen today!
Thank you for reading.
