The moment I realized my dream had died (and what it’s got to do with leadership)
Have you ever had to let a dream go? I did recently, and it was painful.
It all started in California. For the past 20 years, I’ve been traveling to the USA regularly, and this spring I got to go again for three whole weeks for the first time since 2019 (because, COVID). I was invited by a very well-known Silicon Valley corporation to be part of a “women in tech inspiration summit” to explore new digital and physical products. After the event, I drove up and down the coastline to meet with a range of innovators and fascinating leaders in their fields. I chatted with the Vice Chair of Pediatrics at @UCLA about supporting gender-specific diagnoses with AI. I met with healthcare companies that are digitalizing how people manage their diabetes. I spoke with the thought-leaders of think tanks conceptualizing new paradigms for our digital future. I caught up with creatives, producers and directors in the entertainment industry. I finally made it to Pasadena and met with the Head of Staff at @ArtCenter College of Design to discuss PhD topics.
On paper it was a very successful and inspiring 21 days. I should have been stoked. Only I wasn’t. On that 12-hour flight home, I could not shake a nagging melancholy. Why was I not feeling more energetic, engaged and happy? Certain images replayed over-and-over in my mind’s eye. Like the grinding traffic. Or the devastating inequality of the mansions in Bel Air versus the living conditions of those currently experiencing homelessness and living along the Hollywood strip. There was also a palpable intensity, an undercurrent of hostility. I don’t know if it was COVID or Trump, but these two challenging factors fundamentally changed the USA I had known and loved.
To distract myself from my emotions, I tuned into The Mel Robbins Podcast, which a friend had recommended to me. The episode was “Your Dreams Are Not a Joke: It’s Time to Dream Big Again & 3 Ways to Get Started” and after listening, the reason for my lousy mood was clear: my dream was dead.
To explain what I mean, we should rewind back 20 years when I chose my profession. When I started studying graphic design and industrial design, I always imagined working in the USA. California, specifically. I perceived it as a place where I could carry out the innovative work I’d always aspired to do, in a light, sunny and positive space. It wouldn’t be permanent, but something I could experience for a couple of years until I satisfied the dream.
After this trip though, I learned that I had to quit the dream. It died and with it came pain. According to the podcast this is completely normal, because we need dreams to keep a healthy, positive and creative state of mind. They can lift us up no matter our circumstances, so when we have to let a dream go, the pain is deep. I’d describe it as an empty spot that I didn’t know how to fill.
The empty spot is still here, but I’m owning it and cherishing it now, because the next “dream” will come and I’ll have space for it. Currently, that dream is leadership. It’s not a new dream. It’s more like a passion that I’m taking more seriously than ever by trying (every single day) to be an outstanding leader. I’ve always been motivated by empowering people. Giving them what they need to be free to imagine the “unimaginable” and create the “impossible”.
Reflecting on this further, I hope to be the kind of leader who creates an atmosphere where teams can try new things, fail, and try again, in a safe environment. I want to provide the feedback and guidance they need to grow and activate their own dreams. Or even give them the space they need to put old dreams to rest and explore new opportunities, ideas and experiments. I want to help them take on their own murky and painful challenges, and have intense conversations. I want to do this by demonstrating that I’m doing it in my own life too! For me, leadership is as much about being honest about my own vulnerabilities as it is helping others explore their own.
Places change. People change. It’s painful, but normal and healthy. What’s unhealthy is for things to stay the same; to stop trying and allow things to stagnate. As I grow into my dreams, I’m looking forward to having more of these sorts of conversations with people. So, please, never stop dreaming.
Have you ever had to let go of a big dream? Drop me a line here or DM me to share what it was like.
#dreambig #leadership #leadershipmindset
This article was written for Sclable’s blog on Medium by our Director of Product and Service Design, Michaela Holzmann. Follow us on LinkedIn to get notified of new posts or check out our website to see the work we do!
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