The 10 commandments of driving in New Zealand.
What not to do on the open road.
A drive down the open road in New Zealand usually has one or more of the following scenes. Sweeping roads. Lush green fields. Pristine lakes and rivers. Cows and sheep dotting the horizon. Stunning coastlines. And morons behind the wheel.
Driving around New Zealand requires a good amount of skill at the best of times. Our motorways aren’t one straight line with a concrete barrier in the middle to stop a wayward driver veering over the centre line, and if it says 35 on a turn (of which there are plenty), you can be sure it means “it’s been nice knowing you” if you take it more than 5km over.
Open road driving here requires defensive driving skills to rival Ayrton Senna though. Not just because of the twists and turns, but because too many other idiots get around with a licence obtained from a Weetbix packet.
Sure, we’re no Egypt or Italy (a whole other kind of driving), but if you’re in the above category, imagine Moses of Mordor has just turned up on your doorstep in his cloak and jandals and troop of Hobbits…
The 10 Commandments of Open Road Driving.
1. Thou shall not hold up traffic.
If you’re not doing the speed limit, become familiar with your rear view mirror. Use it often and if there’s a car behind you, be a good bugger and pull over so we can pass. Unless it’s not safe, in which case waving at us to pass is about as effective as a chocolate teapot.
2. Thou shall not speed up when you get to a passing lane.
The sign says ‘Passing Lane’ not ‘Acceleration Zone’. If you’re not keeping up with the speed limit, and there’s traffic behind you, as much as you’d like to be first, we’d like to use those stretches to get past instead of having a drag race with you.
3. Thou shall not overtake after the passing lane has merged.
The end of the passing lane is not for claiming pole position. If you’re not past me by the time the dotted lines end, try the middle pedal.
4. Thou shall not overtake on a blind corner or when there’s not enough clear road.
Unless you’re superman and can see through corners, assume someone like me is coming the other way. And if you can see me, assume my car doesn’t have super powers that lets you go straight through me.
5. Thou shall not overtake dangerously and then turn off.
Dr Ropata is probably still not in Guatemala. Gaining an extra 10 seconds to see the start of Shortland Street probably won’t make a difference.
6. Thou shall not try to sit in my backseat.
You’ll have your chance to set off every speed camera between here and Bulls soon enough, so sit back and have a Kit Kat until it’s safe to pass.
7. Thou shall not stop in the middle of the road to turn right.
If you don’t want to be rear-ended or force someone into a ditch, pull over to the LEFT, and then turn when there’s no-one behind you.
8. Thou shall not brake on corners when you’re not even doing the corner limit.
If the limit on the turns is faster than you’re going, you don’t need to slow down even more.
9. Thou shall say thank you.
A quick wave to the Stop/Go men, or a friendly ‘beep beep’ if someone pulls to the side for you will appease the road gods.
10. Thou shall know instinctively when I need to find a toilet.
Braking suddenly or going super slow when my bladder is full is the ultimate sin.
Bonus commandment for New Plymouth drivers: Thou shall stop at marked pedestrian crossings.
If I’m about to cross, stop. If I’m in the middle of the crossing, stop. If I haven’t reached the other side, stop. If I’m not on a crossing, don’t stop.
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