Game of Thrones 8.5 — “The Bells” Episode Guide
A true Hand of the Queen would have a Ziploc-bag full of unpoisoned snacks for yo gurl, but INSTEAD YOU GOT HER IN THE SKY LIKE THIS ☝️☝️☝️
Editors’ Note: Sean left for vacation on Thursday. Since the Medium mobile app is trash for editing stories — and in true Sean fashion he went to a place where there isn’t really internet anyway — his thoughts were all submitted early in the week. This means Sean won’t be able to respond to Mike and Benton’s comments (BOUT TIME LETS FUCKING GO).
Benton: Oh and I’M BACK BITCHES! Just had to wait for the show to get shitty enough for me to comment.
Overall thoughts
Note: If you just want an objective look at the episode and get all the details about the callbacks, real world references and shit, New Rockstars has you covered.
Mike: But if you want that 🔥🔥🔥 about how craptastic of an episode this was YOU’VE COME TO THE RIGHT PLACE. Sean, take it away.
Sean: Hooooo boy. Where do I begin? Let’s start with a question:
WHAT THE FUCK ARE Y’ALL EVEN DOING ANYMORE?!
Hold on, I’m getting heated again.
Ok. Let me clarify on that question:
What happened to character development on this show?
Look, I’m not mad that Dany burned literally everyone. It was always a possibility. The problem comes with the fact that she literally snapped over what, less than two episodes? The initial foundation has been laid for this turn, but they didn’t bother to build the walls or the roof of the house. Hell, they barely even framed it up! We’re left with a tent on a slab of concrete and they’re saying “here’s your new house!”
The pacing of the storytelling was always going to pick up towards the end, as characters came together and disparate, loosely connected stories started converging into one. But it really feels like we got a great Episode 1, 2 and 3 of a traditional 10 episode season — which were all good to great! — and then we had one episode that was basically 5 episodes smashed into one, and then this one. This series used to excel (and still does!) when it put a few characters in a room, or on a boat, or wandering on horseback, and just talking about shit. That’s where character development happens. The Hound and Arya had some good moments this episode that were based on a relationship built over 10 episodes back in Season 4. We NEEDED Tyrion and Varys discussing the many ways that Dany’s violent tendencies have been focused or checked in the past. We NEEDED her to sit with Jorah’s death for an episode or two, for characters to see that — oh shit, this dude was actually a pretty important adviser that she listened to. We NEEDED another episode to see her dealing with Missandei’s imprisonment and Tyrion’s inability to free her and her eventual death. We NEEDED to have scenes with the people of King’s Landing (this season and last!) to understand if they actually liked Cersei or not, and see if they were actually going to capitulate like Tyrion said they would. We NEEDED all that, and more!
We needed to see Dany’s slow unraveling over the course of several seasons, to see her turn back towards the instincts she had been keeping at bay. And these aren’t hard scenes to film — Varys and Tyrion on a boat! More Winterfell plotting/angst/fighting with Sansa/whatever! These things go for the final part of Jaime’s story too. We needed to see him struggling to live life away from Cersei. We needed to see that even his conscious attempts to be a good man weren’t working or were going against his nature. More scenes with Brienne and Jon and Bran and Bronn to flesh that story out so it actually tracks when he and Cersei have their moment before they are crushed by the Red Keep. The type of character development scenes that we’ve been missing used to be this show’s bread and butter, even after they went past the books- EVEN EARLIER THIS SEASON! We had one whole fucking episode that was all just sitting around and talking! It was probably the best episode of the season and maybe top 10 in the series! (Ok, maybe 15 or 20. It’s been a while since I’ve watched some of these). And they just… stopped doing them after The Long Night. And even with what little they have shown — everything seems so perfunctory and rushed. Why is that?
Sean: Oh. Huh. 2022 you say? Really?
Benton: Are we sure they didn’t write Revenge of the Sith?
Sean: Shout-out to Rian Johnson, who seems likely to get some respite from the undeserved Last Jedi hate in a few years.
Anyway. What else can or even should be said about The Bells? It was, as a piece of filmmaking, very well done. Director Miguel Sapochnik and Cinematographer Fabian Wagner did excellent work with the material. Aside from a few issues with the two one-on-one fight scenes (what the fuck was with all the excessive Euron/Jaime tackling? Why couldn’t Cleganebowl capture the grittiness of the Brienne/Hound fight in 4.10?), it was a well shot and directed episode. The excessive number of tracking shots of Arya in the havoc of the city were also, while excessive, also well done. The Music was well done too. Ramin Djawadi turned the Jon and Dany love theme into an ominous battle song while Dany burned a bunch of random people. He also put some Light of the Seven callbacks in there that blended into the Rains of Castamere as Cersei realized that she was never going to escape and was actually going to die. Excellent work as always, Ramin, Miguel and Fabian. Too bad y’all didn’t get better material to work with.
I think overall, the biggest indictment of this episode (as well as the previous one) is that there wasn’t anything that I cared enough about to go back and re-watch. I watched the first three episodes multiple times in the week after they aired. These last two? Nah, I’m good.
There was always going to be some issues bringing this beast of a show in for a landing- and I’ll have more thoughts on that next week after the finale. But man, I really didn’t expect them to just jump off the plane and let it crash into the sea after Episode three.
Mike:
Benton:
Mike: Sean crushed his rant, so I’ll save my WTFs for the scene-by-scene analysis. Instead, my initial thoughts will be channeled through some choice tweets I bookmarked last Sunday night.
Let’s kick it off with Sreekar Jasthi’s thoughts:
Benton: That How I Met Your Mother finale starting to look pretty good right about now. Also apologies to David Simon for some of my past choice words on The Wire finale.
Mike: Ahhhh yes, let’s talk about my favorite power couple:
Benton: I couldn’t bring myself to watch this week’s Game Revealed. D&D can suck a medium bag.
Mike: Same. I get angry every time I see it on any HBO or YouTube app.
It seems that the GoT characters were also not here for it
Benton: My new response to pretty much any question from now on.
How’s Your Day Been?: Disappointing…Epic…One of those…
The End of Varys
Good: 🔥🐲 Varys Gettin Flamed 🐲🔥
Benton: Ooooo yea! The dragon coming up behind Dany was sickkkkk.
Mike: Beautiful shot! Also, this completes the callback from last season with Melisandre telling Varys they would both die in Westeros. And she told him this at Dragonstone!
Mike: Funny how D&D keeps the mysticism for the supporting characters but the boneheaded realism for the main characters 🙄
WTF: Varys gettin hit with the dumb stick
Mike: Exactly! So Varys, one of the smartest characters in the series, decides to just start telegraphing his passes?!?
An important note:
Mike: Yeah, Varys wanna act like his gives so many shits about the realm when it’s his actions that contribute to its downfall! Your resume ain’t great dawg!
Benton: So do we think he got some letters out before he got burnt? Also why did he take his rings off? If I’m gonna get burned to death, it’s gonna be in all my fav clothes and jewelry. No one gets that shit after I’m gone!
Mike: I believe the letters got out. As Varys said in Episode 8.4:
Well, then it’s not a secret anymore. It’s information. If a handful of people know now, hundreds will know soon.
And the New Rockstars video I shared at the top has some ideas about why Varys took off his jewelry. Something something Lord of Light, Red God, prophecies in the flames check it out y’all it’s worth the watch.
The Great Battle (or NOT)
Good: HOLY SHIT DANY FUCKED ERRBODY UP
Benton: Mike, saw you lost a QB in that fire.
Mike: Yes, Aaron Rodgers the Unburnt, made a cameo in this horrible episode. And while it looks like this is him above, apparently it may not be him? Seems like there were 5–7 other places in the episode where people thought they saw Aaron Rodgers. Just kinda sums up how bad this was when they can’t even iso Aaron 🤷🏿♂️
WTF: HOW DID DANY FUCK ERRBODY UP SO EASILY?!?!
Mike: Ok, first this battle: I’ll give that Rhaegal attack was a surprise, a dumb one at that, but fool me once ya know. However, Dany just uses the sun and cloud cover to defeat the ENTIRE Iron Fleet and ALL the scorpions mounted on the King’s Landing wall?!
NONE of the, what 40–50 scorpions, came even close to landing a serious shot on Drogon or Dany?! All this to say that, Dany only needed ONE dragon to defeat the Lannister army, the Iron Fleet, and the Golden Company?!
Excuse me for a second… actually, I need a minute…
From the beginning, this show has built up Dany and her THREE dragons. We knew, thanks to all the foreshadowing, that at least one of her dragons would be killed. Boom, Viserion dead. Welcome to the Ice Club.
Then 50–70% of her armies were decimated in the Great War! Oh noooOoooooOOoo! Then there was all the drama about her rushing down to King’s Landing! Scary oh what is Dany doing?!?
THEN Rhaegal was clapt in transit! Missandei got her head chopped off!
DANY IS DOOMED!!!!!
ALL OF THAT going against her and, in what, like three minutes give or take kills 99% of her opponents?!?! ONE DRAGON! ONE. No drama. Just started checking off her to-do list like my Saturday morning Target runs.
The Bells
WTF: DANY BURNING INNOCENT PEOPLE TOTALLY MAKES SENSE YEAH I THINK THE FUCK NOT
Mike: Sooooo many people on social media with “Dany’s burned people through the entire series 🙄🙄” Where is the nuance, y’all?
SHE BURNED PEOPLE WHO HAD IT COMING. SHE BURNED TO CHANGE POWER DYNAMICS. OBVIOUSLY MOST OF Y’ALL HAVEN’T BURNED PEOPLE BEFORE AND IT SHOWS.
Ugh. She had already won! Fear was established! The people of King’s Landing were already scared with the 🐉 dragon flyover 🐉WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
And here is Dany, with the bells ringing (and looking DIRECTLY AT CERSEI), but just decided to burn innocents along the way giving Cersei time to escape?!
If you needed to have her get a little grimy and kill civilians, just have Dany make a b-line for Cersei and have the people around the Red Keep get flamed. Totally plausible civilian casualties that make Dany look purposeful (killing Cersei) and bloodthirsty (accomplishing her goal no matter the human cost). What happened in this episode was fuckin illogical.
Benton: They even set it up earlier this season for her burning just the Red Keep to be a big deal! Tyrion was like oh shit Cersei is putting all these civilians in the Red Keep so you can’t just go burn it down. So WHY DID SHE NOT JUST DO THAT?! IT MAKES NO SENSE, MIKE! NO SENSE!
Mike:
Sigh… Ok, let’s get these jokes off.
Funny
Mike: My favorite Bells meme so far:
Tyrion is SHOCKT:
Benton: I can’t with Tyrion this season. And I’m sure Dinklage feels the exact same way. How many times is this guy gonna walk through a burnt field of corpses and be like “I just can’t believe this happened”?
But Also Tyrion (🚨 Callback Alert 🚨)
And Also Also Tyrion:
🚨 Another Callback alert 🚨
Mike: Ahhhh this was a great scene. Remember when Game of Thrones had those?!
Benton: This is the Tyrion I miss.
Speaking of the good times…
Mike: Ok, don’t dwell on the past. Let’s move on…
MORE FUNNY TO HIDE OUR SADNESS!
Mike: Greyworm was like FUCK YOU, JON.
Missandei’s reaction
What Missandei actually tweeted
Jon’s Reaction to Dany
WTF
Benton: Honestly still upset about the Ghost thing. May never get over it. Also, I don’t know why I never realized until this season how incredibly stupid Jon Snow is. ALL YOU HAD TO DO WAS BONE YOUR AUNT ONE MORE TIME DUDE. YOU ALREADY DID IT MANY MANY TIMES.
Mike: Lolllll I can see how this conversation goes down:
Jon: BUT IT’S DIFFERENT NOW?!?
Benton: But it is tho?
Funny
Mike: Also, Jon has had the MOST time to pause on a battlefield in this series my goodness!
Benton:
Cersei’s Death
Bad
🤦🏿♂️ And Jaime 🤦🏿♂️
Mike: Wow, total clown IT ME. I thought Jaime’s breakup with Brienne was a diversion, but once Tyrion broke him out I knew they was on some shit. Character development down the fuckin drain, y’all.
HOW IN THE WORLD DID THESE TWO GET THE BEST DEATH?
Benton: Ok time for my rant. THE SHIT WITH BRIENNE IS INEXCUSABLE! First of all, they didn’t need to bone. I get that they were prolly doing that for the fans, but honestly him leaving after knighting her would have definitely still worked and made more sense.
Also, you are telling me that BREINNE OF FUCKING TARTH is gonna cry over a man in a bath robe in the middle of the night?! NOPE. NOPE. NOPE. Also also, even after Dany and Jon decide they are going to march on King’s Landing, Jaime is still like nah I’m good to stay here in Winterfell. But then he hears that Cersei may win and he is like ok byeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. It is just fucking ridiculous. No one has had a better character journey than Jaime and then they ruined it. The way this ended is completely out of nowhere. I refuse to believe GRRM has this planned for Jaime in the books.
I REFUSE.
Funny
Benton: I…I just can’t with this show.
Mike: AND JAIME’S HAND GREW BACK 😂
Benton: D&D responding to Jaime’s hand showing back up: “Well you see Jaime kinda forgot he lost his hand…”
Clegane Bowl
Good
Mike: It actually happened! Who would’ve thought that of all the theories, this would be one of the few that would happen!
And the cinematography was gorgeous! I mean look at these shots!
Funny
Mike: YOU DIDN’T HAVE TO KILL QYBURN LIKE THAT TO GET TO THIS FIGHT 😩😩😩 I know I’m the only one who cares about you, Q. But sometimes we only need one person. RIP my GoT Dr. Frankenstein
Benton: Yea I’m gonna have to disagree with you on this one. That was hilarious. With that being said, I would watch a prequel of Qyburn getting kicked out of The Citadel.
Mike: YOU DON’T NEED TO RUB IT IN BENTON. But yes, it was funny. And deserved.
Varys Returns?
Mike: I know this isn’t Conleth Hill, but if it was him, it wouldn’t be the first time GoT has double dipped in the casting department. Tommen Baratheon played a Lannister cousin (Martyn Lannister) early in the show.
Mike: 🌈 🌟The Mo’ You Kno’ 🌟🌈
Arya Pale Horse
Funny
Mike: And if you still don’t get the Pale Horse reference…
Benton: Honestly not surprised that D&D borrowed from the MOST BATSHIT INSANE CHAPTER OF A BOOK OF ALL TIME. Very on brand for them.
The True MVP of this episode
👫 BENTON’S GoT RELATIONSHIP CHART 💏
Benton: Relationship Chart Update headed into the finale! It’s not looking good for the couples of Westeros.
Benton: In case anyone is worried about Tormund, he is CRUSHING IT
As always, thank you for taking this journey with us! If you found this review to be hilarious and/or informative, please hit the clap button 5 or 50 times 😇
