Should You Torment Your Characters or Empathize With Them?
It’s a trick question
A while ago, I wrote an article about how writers should torment their characters. A friend asked, “But shouldn’t we have empathy for them? How could we torment a character if we empathize with their troubles? How do we strike a balance? How much should we torment, and how much should we empathize?”
At first, I tried to answer these questions with an analogy of a kite. A kite needs two forces to fly. One is the wind — the outside force that tries to push the kite away, the conflict. The other is the force we exert as we pull the rope — empathy. Without one or the other, there is no tension, and the kite keeps falling to the ground.
But then I realized that while a kite can be a good analogy for storytelling, the two forces do not represent conflict and empathy. Conflict and empathy are not opposing forces and don’t need to be “balanced.”
They, in fact, work in separate dimensions. The conflict belongs to the character’s world, and empathy belongs to the writer and the reader.
Yet they are both essential at all times.
What’s conflict?
What do I mean by tormenting a character? I mean creating conflict for them.
Conflict is one of the most important elements of storytelling. Along with the goal and the motivation, it’s part of the engine that moves the story forward (GMC: Goal, Motivation, Conflict).
For a story to progress, each character should have a goal, a motivation (the reason) to reach that goal, and a conflict that creates obstacles.
Let’s go back to the kite analogy and say the wind is the conflict. The opposing force pulling the rope is the character’s motivation. The tension between these forces keeps the kite in the air.
Every story, every scene, and every moment needs the engine running. You should be able to identify all three elements at any given moment.
So, both motivation and conflict drive the story forward, creating tension and emotional engagement. Without them, the story doesn’t take off. Conflict is not just an occasional challenge; it’s the ongoing wind that keeps the narrative alive, just like motivation keeps the character moving toward their goal.
What’s empathy?
Empathy is understanding the characters by putting ourselves in their shoes.
It is not related to conflict. It belongs to the writer and reader and has nothing to do with the engine of the story. It doesn’t mean helping or coddling a character.
As a writer, you are the creator of the story, not a character within it. It’s not your responsibility to motivate a character towards their goals.
But, it is your responsibility to create the traits of the character, their world, and all the competing forces that fly the kite.
You give them the goal and the personality. You create various conflicts. Then you examine and understand what they do, why they do it, and how each character reacts and interacts once everything is in motion.
You can’t create a compelling plot without deeply understanding your characters. This means empathizing with them — not pitying them, but truly getting inside their heads. Empathy allows you to predict how they will react to the challenges you throw their way.
This deep understanding makes the characters’ reactions believable and their journeys relatable. Empathy doesn’t mean reducing their struggles. It means the opposite.
With empathy, you can raise the stakes and maximize the struggles while ensuring their reactions are realistic and emotionally true.
Moreover, when the writer empathizes with the characters, it ensures that the readers do too. This connection makes the readers care about what happens to the characters, keeping them invested in the story.
Testing Characters Through Conflict
A story is essentially a character going through challenges to reach a goal. These challenges, or conflicts, force characters to confront their fears and desires, leading to growth and creating a character arc. Conflict and punishment push characters to their limits, making them face their deepest fears.
And this is why empathy is crucial. To portray these intense events and moments authentically, you need to understand exactly what your character feels and thinks when they hit rock bottom.
Conflict is not just external. Inner conflict is also critical. It involves a character’s internal struggles and dilemmas. Empathy helps you portray these internal battles accurately, too. Do they feel guilty? Are they torn between desires? Do they struggle with their identity? Empathy allows you to capture these nuances and make the story more compelling.
Empathy for all characters
Conflict isn’t reserved for the main characters. Villains and secondary characters fly kites, too. They all have goals, motivations, and outer and inner conflicts that get in the way.
To create believable and relatable villains, you must empathize with them in the same way. Understand their motivations and fears to portray them as multi-dimensional beings rather than one-dimensional obstacles.
Conflict and Empathy in Breaking Bad
Walter White, a brilliant but meek chemistry teacher, works a second job at a car wash to support his family. One day, he watches his brother-in-law, a DEA agent, bust a meth lab on TV and seize $700,000. Though Walt is passionate about chemistry and in need of money, the thought of cooking meth only crosses his mind at this point — he lacks the motivation to dive into a life of crime.
Walt feels powerless both at home and at work. His pregnant wife holds all the authority in their household, while his students disrespect him, even bullying him at the car wash where his boss exploits him. When Walt collapses at work and is diagnosed with lung cancer, it becomes the final push he needs to start down a dark path.
While secretly researching by tagging along with his brother-in-law during investigations, Walt reconnects with a former student, Jesse Pinkman. Together, they begin cooking the purest methamphetamine. Walt’s initial goal is to secure enough money to support his family after his death.
Conflict
Conflict in Breaking Bad is truly like the wind — it comes from all directions. Some of these conflicts serve as motivation, the pull: the cancer that requires expensive treatment, the need to financially secure his family’s future, and the bullying he endures at work.
Others are dealing with an ungrateful and controlling wife, a DEA family member, a junkie business partner, dangerous competitors, as well as evading violence, and resorting to violence himself. The escalating challenges include murder, disposing of bodies, and laundering money.
Walt has inner conflicts too— his pride, morality, values such as his care for human life, honesty, etc against his fear, greed, arrogance, selfishness etc.
Empathy
Empathy is equally crucial.
The characters in Breaking Bad are flawed, complex, and not always likable, particularly Walt, whose journey is, as the title suggests, one of moral decay. He starts as a good powerless man and ends up a ruthless mass murderer.
Yet, as the story unfolds, we dive into Walt’s inner world and care about his fate. We root for his growth, desires, sacrifices, and refusal to be a victim and to return to the man he once was.
In one of the earliest episodes, we witness Walt commit his first murder. The entire episode is spent debating the act — Walt doesn’t want to kill, he forms a bond with his victim, and just as he’s about to let him go, he discovers that the man is concealing a weapon, planning to kill him the moment he’s freed. Walt has no choice but to act. As viewers, we journey through this dilemma, and by the end, we believe he is justified.
The abundance of empathy allows such a violent and ethically challenged story to be told as effectively as it is.
In the end, tormenting your characters and empathizing with them are both essential to creating an exciting, emotionally resonant story. Conflict, along with goal and motivation, forms the engine that drives your plot forward and keeps readers engaged. Empathy, on the other hand, ensures you understand your characters so deeply that their reactions become genuine and relatable. It also allows readers to connect with and care about what happens to the characters.a
When you integrate both conflict and empathy, you create a dynamic narrative in which characters face challenges and experience believable growth. This is how your story captures the hearts and minds of your readers.
