As If

An angst poem for today

Photo by Marek Piwnicki on Unsplash

I am outside of myself
today
falling
as if
the darkness has arrived
unannounced
uninvited
constricting my psyche
in a stranglehold
so that all I have left
today
is to survive
one step one day
at a time
one ever-loving stab
of worthlessness
one after another
bringing me
to my knees
in my head
yet I click the keyboard keys
today
working
as if
the sunshine will appear
expected
venerated
gift-wrapping my essence
in welcome embrace
so that I might unearth
today
a purpose still
to carry on
to search for
a sentient bit
of benevolence
or legitimacy
that rings true
and moves me
back into myself again
today
living
as if