To Be Honest with Myself, I’m Not Trying Hard Enough
Pretending to chase the dream of being a Full-time Writer
Six years ago, I graduated college wide-eyed and filled with hopes of doing what I love and loving what I do in my career. At first, I really thought that I was. And in hindsight, I actually was. (I think)
I was eager, excited, and on fire to join the professional workforce. I was ready to absorb as much knowledge and learn as many skills as I possibly could.
I had a nice desk job in a corporate office in New York City, working for several very well-known magazine brands. By the looks of it from an outsider’s perspective, I was already doing pretty well for myself at the age of 22. Many would even say that I was “on the road to success” even though I had only a recent graduated. And in all honesty, I really did love my job.
At the time, it was all that I knew about having a career — It was my only reality.
To me, there were no other options other than what I was doing. I couldn’t be a Doctor or a Nurse. I couldn’t be an Engineer or a Mathematician. I couldn’t be a Teacher, a Lawyer, or anything that required any specialized certifications because, well, I didn’t have any special certifications.
Yes, I had a Bachelor’s degree — a Bachelor of Science to be specific. But, the job that I took was nowhere near my field of study. In fact, it couldn’t be further from what I studied. Everyone who graduated in my field was either working for a Sports Team or on track to becoming a Physical Therapist. And here I was working in Advertising at a Publishing company.
But hey, I got a job out of college, right?
Over the course of the past six years, I started discovering (or actually, rediscovering), my love for Writing. I wrote whenever I was stressed out or sad, whenever I was lonely or frustrated, whenever I had something that I really needed to get off chest or even when I was just feeling inspired.
And over the course of the past six years, I wrote a lot.
I wrote about anything and everything. On par with my lack of specialization in a specific skill, I had no particular topic that I concentrated on in my writing. I pretty much just wrote about my life and what I’ve learned so far.
And somehow, by some miracle, people actually liked what I had to say.
In more recent years, I’ve often toyed with the idea of actually pursuing a career as a Full-time writer. That idea died rather quickly once I started thinking about my finances.
I had put in four years of hard work into obtaining a college degree in a field that I’m not even working in…and here I am now, paying it all off.
Funny how life works, right?
For the first time ever, I am admitting the following truth to myself (and to the entire world, as a matter of fact, since this is a public post)
I am not trying hard enough.
I would be lying to myself if I said I were actually trying to pursue a career as a Writer.
I am not trying hard enough to get paid through Freelance writing work. I am not trying hard enough to find clients through writing. I am not trying hard enough to network with other Writers. I am not trying hard enough to excel my level of skills as a Writer. I am not just not trying hard enough.
But, what I am doing is trying to pay down my student loan debt, stay afloat while residing in one of the most expensive cities in the world, and aspiring to live a “comfortable” life all at the same time.
And I’m okay with admitting that to myself…for now.
Because honestly, what I am trying to do right now is make it to a point where I can really focus more time and energy on doing the things that I need to do to hopefully one day become a Full-time Writer.
I’m not saying that it will happen and I’m not saying that it won’t. I’m just saying that the future is a mystery. After all, I’ve learned so much in only six years after graduating college.
Who knows what will happen in another six, or ten, or twenty.
Oprah Winfrey once said,
“Do what you have to do until you can do what you want to do.”
Well, I am doing what I have to do and hopefully later, I can do what I want to do.
