My relationship has been rocky as of late. We have fought more in the past few months then I care to admit. I want marriage and babies and a white picket fence and he wants to look at today and not a day after that. Over these few months I have learned how truly different we are. It’s amazing how compatible you can be with someone while also being so different. We each have a set of needs that couldn’t be more opposite. It amazes me that we can spend hours chatting about absolutely anything in the world and yet spend the same amount of time arguing over which movie to watch. We are compatible and yet so different at the same time.
Maybe it’s a byproduct of getting divorced or maybe it’s just a realist view I have but I don’t believe in the one. I was always a hopeless romantic at heart but somewhere along the way I stopped believing in the fairy-tale of a happy ever after. I thought I had met my soulmate and was wrong. I thought I married the love of my life and was most definitely wrong about that one.
Now, I don’t believe that my boyfriend is either one. Not because I don’t love him with all my heart but because I don’t believe in them. I pretend I do and I wrongly tell my boyfriend he is both to me but as I hear the words fall out of my mouth, I am fully aware that I don’t hold any value or truth in them.
I don’t believe that if my boyfriend and I broke up we wouldn’t be okay. I know we would both be brokenhearted and desperately sad but I know we would dust ourselves off and start again with someone new. Love is not as magic as I once thought it would always be. Now that I type the words and say it aloud it sounds so desperately sad. But it’s how I feel. Honestly, I’m not sure if I even believe us humans are built to spend a lifetime with one person. But that is for a different article altogether. So let’s stick my depressing but honest view on love and relationships for now…
What I do believe with all of my heart is that my boyfriend and I were supposed to meet one another. I believe we sought each other out and found the one person who would challenge us and teach us more about ourselves than anyone else ever could. Everything we are so apparently different in we teach each other how to become and while being with him I have faced parts of my life that I never thought I would be strong enough to face. The shadow parts that you block out hoping they won’t catch up with you one day. And he has also unknowingly taught me how to love parts of myself that I never thought I could even like.
They say that during the honeymoon period of a relationship everything you see in your partner that you adore is really a reflection of the parts of yourself that you love and the honeymoon period ends when you begin to see in them the parts of yourself you don’t like.
I don’t believe in soul mates, the one or happy ever after. But I also don’t believe in coincidences. And I don’t believe I met my boyfriend by chance. I believe we were always supposed to meet. Whether it be for a month, a year or a lifetime. I do believe that the person you find yourself in a relationship with will teach you more about life and yourself then you could have ever imagined. It may not be the happy ever after love story I had envisioned for myself but it is real and there is magic in believing that every star in the universe aligned for us to meet and that sounds better then any fairy-tale to me.