Open Advice from Daphne to Daphne

Feel free to take some or all to heart!

Me in my signature pose wearing my signature smile.

I wrote these over the course of thirty days in June, last year. It’s one year later and it still resonates with me. Hopefully, it does resonate with you too.

• Give yourself room to breathe. To just be. You’re not Superwoman. I can be really hard on myself sometimes but in retrospect, I believe I’ve gotten better over the years. My single strand of white hair was one of the most potent factors in helping me pull the brakes. Now I try my best to not worry about things beyond my control. Hypochondria does kill.
• Do not shrink yourself to fit. No matter what. Oh, have I struggled with this! And still do. I’m getting there, slowly but surely. I’m continually teaching myself that there is no shame in my louding voice and incredible light, my unique quirks and my brave albeit broken-but-on-the-mend spirit.
• Perfection is a farce. Know this and know peace. What is human without mistakes? As much as AI is the in thing right now, I’m really not going for robots.
• Face off with them, even though your voice would be shaky, your eyes a little averted and your head slightly bowed. Confrontations have never been my forte but I’m learning, because you start a war within yourself when you avoid confrontations. Sometimes for peace, first you war!
• Don’t be afraid to create boundaries and be brave enough to stick by them. Oh, I’m winning in this! I’m quite proud of myself, having moved from being a person with almost no boundaries to thriving in being someone with and getting better.
• Take better care of your physical health. Hmm, this… If Deeza knows how much I’ve been neglecting my physical health, she’s seriously going to scold and nag me. To be honest, I’ve heard horror stories about medical practitioners and their dismissal of their female patients even among women practitioners too. That coupled with my own personal experiences is holding me back. I’ll try harder.
• Don’t let the sound of your traumas mislead you. I think this advice speaks for itself. To all the Matilda’s and Elsa’s out there, let it go!
• Seek help when you need it. This is also something I’ve improved in. It is still quite difficult but I do try. You should too.
• YOYO. You are only young once, seize it! Go to that party! Turn up for that outing! Overcome the antisocial butterfly in you! I have plans but they haven’t taken wings to fly… yet. Karaoke is a must this year.
• Never ever let the world turn you into a “hard girl”! I strive not to disappoint the girl in me who loves love, and fights to keep her empathy and big feelings in this unfeeling cruel world. So far, still going strong!
• Try your best to live, present in the moment. I’ve learned and still learning that it is not just enough to be alive, I have to live while at it.
• Love every shade of Daphne. Unashamedly. Unabashedly. This me trying to stay true to myself, warts, small nyash, k-leg, crooked teeth, quiet-loud voice, and all.
• Heal at your own pace. Ignore the people who try to dictate how and when you heal. It’s your journey after all.
• Allow yourself to grieve your losses and celebrate your wins, even the little ones. The little losses and the little wins all matter.
• Ne retiens pas tes larmes, laisse aller ton chagrin. Cry when you need to. I’ve never had a problem with that anyways as a certified egbere. On a more serious note, emotion is only negative when we channel it negatively. Feel free to fully experience all your emotions; sorrow, pain, anger, joy, serendipity, serenity, et cetera.
• Do not set anything in stone. Second chances are not fatal. It’s sad to say I’m making no headway in this. Deep down, I feel like this is something only therapy might be able to fix.
• Learn to appreciate the good, ignore the bad, and forget the ugly. This forget ehn! I don’t know if I should blame my memory but it’s difficult. Très difficile!
• Be picky about your battles. I’ve gotten so much better at this, I can almost say I’m adept at knowing when to bring out my sword and when to keep it sheathed. I tell you most solemnly, it has made a world of difference in my peace of mind. Give it a try.
• Drown those voices from the past in positivity. How does the saying go? ‘Every saint has a past and every sinner has a future’? I’m not exactly sure how this ties up here with my point but I guess what I’m saying is those insecurities, toxicity, hurt, broken glasses, tears, and demons belong in the past. I’m echoing Matt Hansen’s “Where You Belong”, You barely made it out fighting. The past is where they belong!
• Unrush yourself, darling. This is a bit complicated. I feel like I’m succeeding in this but at the same time, I’m plagued with the fear of falling into complacency. It is a two-edged sword, however, let’s find the balance together!
• Be firmer in saying NO. People who are not people pleasers might not understand how heavy the word ‘NO’ is in our mouths. We can do it! Let’s do it!
• Pay more attention to the things that truly matter. Regrets hurt like hell and they come in painful waves.
• Prioritize the love and friendship of those who prioritize those with you. Pour into those who pour into you. There is really not much empty can give.
• Know when to press that stop button. I know many people are like me. We just keep pushing and grinding and moving without breaks. Breaks are fine.
• Stand up for yourself even when it’s hard to do so. Who dem be sef? I’m getting there small, small.
• Do not dilute your colours nor lower your standards. Don’t worry, they’ll keep up or get left behind.
• Do not be afraid of your dreams. For what is a life lived without dreams even if they feel too big?
• There’s no shame in being different. Embrace it. Really and truly, we’re all shades of different. The rainbow would be boring with just blue or yellow.
• Overcome your Superwoman complex, one outstretched arm at a time. My fellow perfectionists and miss over-independents, this is for us.
• Take all the time you need to become, and unbecome. Je t’aime!

Photo from Canva

Overall, I know some might be thinking that throughout this article, I’ve been on some “aspire to perspire” nonsense but take from my motivational speech what you will. It might come in handy someday or in the long run!

Glossary

1. Egbere: Crybaby
2. Who dem be sef?: Who are they to…?

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