Didn’t See This One Coming
Just Connecting the Dots as I Go
I have previously written about my recovery journey
, and I’ve written about our move to Fredericksburg.
Where I Belong
Well, a funny thing has happened since we got down here. I was prepared for the AA meetings here to be different, but after 4 weeks, I still wasn’t “feeling it” at the meetings here. There was an essence to the fellowship up in northern Virginia that I felt as soon as I walked into my first meeting there. There, I felt like I belonged.
Down here, not so much. Just not feeling it, that feeling that says, “this is where you belong.” One exception is this little Sunday night meditation meeting that I have enjoyed. My friend D., who moved down here a couple years ago, started that one. It’s small, intimate, starts with a 15 minute meditation — I like that one a lot. That was a start.
Be Where and When You Say You Are!
What’s been most annoying is meetings that are on the “Where and When” not being where or when they’re listed as being. This past Monday, I tried three different meetings — none of them were even there. The last one might have been, but you couldn’t find it in this big hospital. All the directory had said about it was it was in Room 119. None of the rooms there had numbers on them, and no one seemed to know where 119 was.
There was a meeting my friend D. turned me onto last week, on Tuesday night, called “Misfits”. It was a pretty good meeting, but way larger than I’m used to. The chair just calls on all the people he knows, and when you’re new, that doesn’t include you.
Because of my inability to find a meeting, literally, I didn’t get to another meeting until this past Tuesday, when I picked D. up on the way to Misfits. There I saw C., a younger guy I knew from up north who also moved down here a while ago. He was clearly not very involved in the fellowship here, and didn’t want to be. I could kind of see why.
Most of the fellowship here seems to be older — much older. And, I’m not just talking about age. There wasn’t the enthusiasm and youthful energy I had experienced up in northern Virginia AA. I guess my best description of it would be “old, conservative and complacent”. D. and I had even talked about that as we rode to the meeting. He said, “I think AA has kind of lost its edge — N.A. still has it.” That was it — there wasn’t that “edge” to things in AA down here. This was kind of disappointing. D. had warned me about this before we moved here.
Listening to Speaker Tapes
Meanwhile, in my travels back and forth to work in DC, which typically takes one to one and a half hours driving each way, I’ve taken to occasionally listening to speaker tapes on youtube to pass the time on the long drive, hearing peoples’ recovery stories. I find it interesting to hear peoples’ stories.
After listening to a number of AA speakers, I decided to cue up some N.A. speakers. One of the first ones I found was a guy I knew from way back, K. His story was great! I remembered the first time I met him, in the back of a van driving from DC down to Atlanta for a convention in 1983. He was quite a talker, even then, and I thoroughly enjoyed hearing his whole story on youtube while I commuted home from work. He’s apparently a speaker in high demand, speaking at conventions all over the world.
Trying Something Different
I started listening to other N.A. speakers. As I heard their stories, I came to the realization, just as I had a few years ago about AA, that N.A. seems to have changed a lot since I was last involved, some 35 years ago. The thought occurred to me, maybe I should check N.A. out down here?
So, when I was looking for a meeting to check out on Wednesday night — after my fiasco Monday of spending an hour going from one place to another that didn’t have the A.A. meeting that was listed — I thought, “Why don’t I check out a local N.A. meeting?” I checked on-line, and there was one right in town, starting at 7.
It was in the same church I’d been to a morning AA meeting at a couple weeks ago, (I realized once I walked into the room). The guy chairing immediately made me feel welcomed, just by the way he looked at me as I walked in. Since I’d come in late, I just listened as people shared. It was definitely different from an AA meeting. But, I had to admit, D. had been right — this place seemed to have that missing element from the AA around here. It had that edge.
A Familiar Face
I didn’t see a familiar face in the place, but apparently, I was a familiar face to at least one other person there. After everyone said the serenity prayer (they do the “we” version of it at N.A. meetings — ‘God Grant “us” the serenity to accept the things “We” cannot change, etc.) — this guy B. said, “Hi, Pete! Do you remember me?”
“I’m not sure — where would I know you from?”
“The Predecessors meeting at Saturday Night Live.”
Wow — I couldn’t believe someone remembered me from that. Back in 2013 and 2014, before I had started going to AA, I had been invited by an old friend to come down here, with about five or six other guys who’d been part of our old N.A. home group in Hulmeville, Pa, to talk about the old days in N.A.
That meeting had been amazing. I’d sat there with five guys who’d been in my very first N.A. meeting back in 1980, still clean after all these years. I’d forgotten all about that meeting. At the second one, the following year, K. (from the speaker tape) was even there. Talk about taking someone back in time!
The Meeting after the Meeting
So, the meeting after the meeting turned out to be very interesting. The chair of the meeting, J., came over, and he also knew who I was, when he heard me talking to B., (more by reputation and by fellow N.A. acquaintances than actually knowing me), but he got very excited. Apparently, according to him, I had more clean time than this lady, A., who has the most clean time in the area, with 37 years. I’ll have 40 next March. (I don’t put a lot of stock in clean-time, but I was reminded that in N.A., it’s a big deal. It puts the lie to the statement that addicts never get and stay clean).
Where I Belong
As we talked, in the “meeting after the meeting” outside the church on a perfectly cool fall night, I recognized what I was feeling inside — I’m right where I belong. I did not see this one coming. Just like I never expected to find myself at home in an AA meeting five years ago, I never expected this!
On Thursday, Kathy was supposed to have eye surgery, but it got cancelled. I decided to try out a noon meeting in town. Same feeling. Thursday night, there was another meeting in town — notable at this point was that these meetings were right where and when they were supposed to be. This one was right down the street from where we live — I could’ve walked to it (just about 2 miles from us, here).
At this one, I met A., the lady with the clean time. She recognized me, as well, and from the same place B. had — that predecessors meeting. It also turned out that K., from the speaker tape, had been her sponsor for the past 27 years. She was thrilled to have someone with more clean-time than her in the area. She was a real firecracker. She’s apparently sponsored a lot of women in the program, and had just done a podcast that went out to N.A. in 139 countries, talking about a book she just wrote about recovery, called “Back to the Basic”.
I never thought I would be saying this, but apparently, I am back home — in N.A., where my recovery journey first began. It feels pretty good to be home. I’m still not sure how Kathy is going to react to this, though — she has always supported me in my recovery, and we’ve always respected each other’s programs — I just haven’t known quite how to tell her, ‘oh, by the way, I’m going to N.A. meetings now’.
A meeting’s a meeting, 12 Steps are the 12 Steps — but, we both have a history with N.A. The first time we ever talked, was when she called the N.A. Hotline, and I answered.
Now, I guess, I’m going to have a present with it. Maybe she’ll consider joining me, there? That would be something!
