Reflections of Home
What Do You See Reflected in the Mirror Around You?
Look Around — Look in the Mirror
I’ve heard that what I find in my life is like a mirror reflecting what is going on inside of me. We manifest what we think about and what we feel. We draw to ourselves those things which we truly desire. So, if you’re not sure about what’s going on inside — take a look around. What you see reflected in your life may be the beginning of a clue about what you have going on inside. If you don’t like what you see — try to be open to change.
When my life wasn’t going so well, I certainly wouldn’t have wanted to hear such a thing. How could I be responsible for all that crap that was happening to me? I had woven a story about why my life sucked like it did, and as long as I believed the story I told myself about my life, my life was bound to continue to suck — and it did.
It was only when I could no longer abide the sick drama that my life had become, could no longer play the leading role in that painful saga, that I stood a chance of any of it changing for the better.
Owning the Drama
This wasn’t easy to do. If I were to admit that I had a hand in my difficulties, that I was at least partially responsible for who and what I had become, I could no longer blame others, or the circumstances of my upbringing, for how things were in my life. I could no longer play the victim card. I would have to begin to take responsibility for what I found reflected in my life, and become accountable for what was reflected in my life, going forward.
Places I Have Lived
Earlier today, as I reflected on our upcoming move to Fredericksburg, I made a list on Facebook of all the places I had lived, and the years I had lived in each. It looked like this:
Pittsburgh, Pa — 11/54–03/72
Windsor, Ct — 03/72–05/73
San Diego, Ca — 05/73–08/73
Waukegan, Il — 08/73–11/73
Mayport, Fl — 11/73–05/74
Bainbridge, Md — 05/74–11/74
Saratoga Springs, NY — 11/74–05/75
Norfolk, Va — 05/75–04/77
Augusta Bay, Sicily — 07/76–02/77 (Home port in Mediterranean on a 7 month-cruise)
Portland, Or — 04/77–05/77
Treasure Island, Ca — 05/77–07/77
Norfolk, Va — 07/77–09/77
Cherry Hill, NJ — 09/77–01/78
Philadelphia, Pa — 01/78–04/78
Cherry Hill, NJ — 04/78–10/78
Cornwells Heights, Pa — 10/78–04/79
Bensalem, Pa — 04/79–08/80
Ivyland, Pa — 09/80–02/83
Lanham, Md — 03/83–12/83
Cherry Hill, NJ — 12/83–07/84
Philadelphia, Pa — 07/84–09/85
Franklinville, NJ — 09/85–09/96
Vienna, Va — 09/96–09/19
Fredericksburg, Va — 09/19 — ? (shooting for 2055, or thereabouts)
No Matter Where you Go — There You Are
An old softball playing buddy of mine commented on my post, “Who were you running from?” The answer to that was clear today, as I reflected on all those moves. I was running from the man in the mirror. I thought if I changed what I saw on the outside, I would change on the inside. It didn’t quite work that way.
Another saying I have heard is, “No matter where you go — there you are!” Since I made twenty moves from 1972 to 1984, this is only my third move in the thirty-four years since then.
So, what happened in 1984? I guess I finally stopped running, and admitted that the problem wasn’t out there somewhere, but staring right back at me in the mirror. I was most fortunate to have been given some tools with which to begin the work on the inside that would begin to change what I found reflected in my life, on the outside.
Building a Foundation
During the dozen years or so after that, I was doing a lot of heavy lifting inside to build a foundation on which to live a more meaningful and productive life. What was reflected outside during that time? First, I spent about seven of those years literally rebuilding the house in which I lived. It started with reconfiguring the septic system, then building a solid foundation for the house, installing a furnace, then changing just about everything else about the house. During that time, I also had a lot of help from my friends, of which I had many.
There came a point where, it seemed no matter what I did, how hard I tried, I couldn’t get that house to be any better than it was. It still had a lot of problems that were becoming harder to abide. It wasn’t the ideal place to be raising a child. Our son was 6 years old at the time. Something had to change.
Preparation for Opportunity
An opportunity to move into a house that didn’t have all those problems appeared, and we followed that opportunity. Our next place, in Vienna, was much more stable, in a quiet neighborhood where people seemed to appreciate who we were. Here, we flourished, and raised our son in a great environment for him to learn and grow into the fine man he eventually became. I believe before we could have been ready for such a living situation, we’d had to make some changes on the inside. We’d taken a series of workshops, from 1991 to 1995, that created the internal changes that allowed for this to become a reality.
As we’ve aged in this place, and our son has moved out on his own, we’ve gone through a lot of changes that have apparently led to our being ready for this next (and hopefully final) move. The changes we’ve seen happening around us here, in the past few years, haven’t really reflected what we want in our lives, going forward. They’re tearing down the old to build the new, here. What once was a mall, just north of our little town, is now billed “America’s Next Great City”. It used to be a mall!
Going Home
So now, we’re moving to a quieter, older neighborhood, in a smaller town that honors the old. As we drove around the neighborhood yesterday, after closing on our new house, we saw reflected around us, a town that felt so much more like home than Vienna has felt in recent years.
We liked what we saw. It felt like home. In five days, we’ll be there.
Thanks, Shaan Sood, for the prompt Mirror that inspired this story.
