7 Musings from 7 Weeks in India

Two weeks remain of my time here in India — one of work, one of travel — and as I look back upon the seven weeks already completed I must admit I am exhausted by the intensity and array of emotions I have felt during this experience. I have wished with all my might in one moment to be able to catch the soonest flight home, and in the next have been near tears at the thought of leaving all the wonderful people who have come into my life. The spiritual energy in some of the places I’ve visited here have struck chords in my heart I did not know existed, and have helped me come to peace with certain things I was not even aware were troubling me. A constant mix of bewilderment, amusement, exhilaration, love, frustration, surprise, satisfaction, serenity, discomfort, illness, sadness, and joy — but at the end of the day always a feeling of contentment… a feeling that I am in the right place, doing the right thing for this time in my life.

In slight order of superficial to deep, I will cover seven topics that have been of particular importance to me during this time.

~External Appearance~

Naturally you expect a topic such as appearance to fall into the most superficial category — but the way this has fit into my experience here has a much more internally beneficial role. When I stopped caring about getting dirt, mud, rain, sand, food, and so many other mysterious substances (or rather I’d prefer them to remain a mystery) on me, it was the biggest relief, and I found I can go about my day through any set of external conditions happy as can be. It is much easier to enjoy every present moment when I don’t care if I’m soaking wet, covered in layers of Deet and dirt, if there is children’s mucus in my hair, if people are ogling at me for being the first white person they’ve ever seen, or if I am severely underdressed (think hiking sandals, pajama type pants, and a backpack) for any sort of swanky establishment. Two months of basically always feeling unclean or improperly dressed, and I’ve never felt more revitalized from the inside.

~Simple Acts of Bravery~

Simply getting through each day here sanely and safely has often felt like a huge accomplishment in itself. Crossing the street with our hand outstretched to tell the huge bus lumbering towards us that it better stop, or else, is something I could never have imagined doing (I am prone to sprint across even the narrowest, least crowded road). There are parts of the “sidewalk” where the ground has just fallen out, leaving a gaping hole to what looks like the center of the earth, making even the shortest trek out to the grocery store feel like a treacherous hike. We have to swallow our fear of strangers and new acquaintances constantly and ask for help with things I might not normally feel comfortable even asking a close friend for. This has led us to form some incredible relationships with people we might have been too nervous to approach. We should be so proud of ourselves every day for all the little obstacles we conquer, and recognizing even the smallest of accomplishments has made it easier to get through the more difficult days.

~Faith in Humanity~

Some who I’ve thought to trust without hesitation turned out to be not so kind, but many of those I thought to have my defenses up against, turned out to be the kindest of all. So many cautionary tales filling my head before I arrived, I was so quick to assume that everyone was always trying to take advantage of or swindle us. For every auto driver that has tried to charge us an absurd amount, there have been five more who honorably use the meter, ask about how we like India, share inspiring tales from their own life, and at the very least provide a lot of entertainment. This time has reaffirmed my belief that people are trying to help you so much more often than they are trying to hurt you.

~Direction in Life~

Sowmya Ayyar, founder of Prafull Oorja and mother-figure for us in Bangalore, is a woman who will forever influence my dream-chasing. I have never met someone so confident and unafraid to seek out exactly what it is that she wants in life. So much that we dream of achieving is hindered simply because we do not even try to make it happen. Sowmya, and so many others involved in this experience, endlessly inspire me to create the life I want- for no one is standing in my way but myself. I had an immensely comforting conversation with one of the team members, Suma, about her education and work history… she has studied in every field imaginable! She stressed to me that no amount of education is ever wasted. It all positively contributes to your potential success in whatever your current position might be. For a long time I’ve fretted over being interested in “too many” things — unable to pick just one pursuit. Well, I’d much rather be interested in too much than in nothing at all. My work this summer has shown me that it is possible to successfully and satisfyingly combine many of my different interests and skills that have overwhelmed me in the past.

~Passion for your Work~

Contemplating my future career often strikes fear in my heart (because what is more terrifying than thinking about the future?), but for the first time I feel excited, not afraid, when I ponder what lies beyond graduation. I know now what it feels like to commit myself to a cause I really love, and it is so much more rewarding and less exhausting than working for something without passion. Most of the people at Prafull Oorja left jobs where they were unhappy or too stressed and found their calling with yoga. Deeply ingrained in me, now more so than ever, is the necessity to love the work I am doing.

~Endless Appreciation~

Lo and behold, I can get homesick… I have done a good amount of traveling in my life, and often take pride in being good at being away, rarely feeling a yearning for home. There are so many people surviving in conditions thousands of times worse than the ones we have been exposed to, but even this contrast from the luxuries I am so privileged to have back home have made me appreciate things I might never have thought twice about. A day without feeling ill in some way or another; inhaling clean, unpolluted air; unrestricted eating of things that I know won’t try to kill me, and that I enjoy the taste of; not having to keep my mouth sealed tightly shut in the “shower” (for that matter — a shower where the water is warm, not brown, and coming out of a faucet above my head); constant electricity and access to internet; a laundry machine! These are some of the countless things I fantasize about coming back to, and although I’ll become accustomed to them once more, I will take a skim through my journal every now and again to get some perspective on just how fortunate I am.

~Unconditional Love~

“There is no ‘thank you’ or ‘sorry’ in friendship.” These are the wise words of a friend on our floor as Molly and I repeatedly thanked her for helping us communicate with the PG caretaker regarding a highly stressful (ultimately resolved) rent situation. For anyone who knows me even slightly well, it is likely you have heard both of these things an infinite number of times from me. In the past year or so I have made a concentrated effort to stop myself from apologizing when I shouldn’t be (still a work in progress), but you can understand my discomfort when I arrived in a land where ‘thank you’ is not only not expected, but even considered “fishy” when used too often (as our neighbor friend informed us). Well, even though I highly doubt I could ever adapt to this aspect of the culture, the rationale behind it has been wonderful food for thought. Here, there is the knowledge that if you do something kind for someone else, that goodness will be returned to you. This is the biggest thing I want to continue working on — unconditional kindness and generosity without expecting anything in return, not even a ‘thank you’.

Even if you speak a different language, or do not even speak at all, it is possible to form a friendship, or at the very least a positive, temporary connection with anyone when you are both without judgment and full only of compassion. My friendships with the girls in our PG, the teachers and other team members of Prafull Oorja, the students in our classes, the hodgepodge of other people we have met along the way, and, most importantly, with my perfect counterpart Molly have given me a first opportunity to practice this unconditional love. I eagerly await its continuation.