Change vs. Transformation
I have been home for a couple weeks now and eating pretty much nonstop ever since. But, as the novelty of unrestricted food and water wears off, air conditioning no longer shocks me, clothes fit snugly once again, I’ve soaked up quality time with family and friends, I get a similar restlessness I often experience when returning from abroad. Earlier this week, Sowmya (head of Prafull Oorja, and one of the people I miss most every day) shared a quote by BKS Iyengar (very important man in the yoga world) that pointed me to the root of my uneasiness.
“Change leads to disappointment if it is not sustained. Transformation is sustained change, and it is achieved through practice.”
I grapple with a gnawing fear that all of the growth I experienced while working and living in India will dissolve into something of the past. Throughout the nine weeks I observed certain changes in myself that made me feel more like the person I strive to be. During our last week as we traveled to Delhi, Agra, and Jaipur, more went wrong than has ever gone wrong in any travel experience I’ve ever had. But that is India. Things never go according to plan, and we were well prepared to deal with that. As hotels turned us away because we were foreign, lodging plans fell through left and right, and we were stranded in the wee hours of the morning/night with nowhere to go, we resisted panic.
Survival has been easy since I’ve been home, and a normal day feels like a vacation with all of the instant access to amenities. The privilege and luxury of my life in America has felt overwhelming. As I return to SCU, though — a place that holds a lot more activity, and, inevitably, more stress, than my time at home with family has — I am determined to not face the disappointment of temporary change. When my composure is tested, even with the smallest of things, I must keep in mind Iyengar’s wise words. Rather than letting myself fall back to stressing over small and unalterable things, I must mindfully practice the flexibility, innovative thinking, and greater understanding that I was lucky enough to come away with from this experience.
I could never have anticipated the quality of friendships I would make, both with Molly and all of the amazing people I’ve left in India. I knew that having a compatible partner would play a big factor in how the experience was, but I had no idea just how lucky I would be to gain a lifelong best friend to go through it all with. It has only been 3 weeks and I miss her terribly. I had the thought in the back of my mind before going that this would probably be my one time visiting the country, but the people I met there have made it impossible to imagine never going back. Friendship is the most beautiful thing this life has to offer, and friendships across cultural, religious, geographical, economic, and social boundaries are some of the most precious of all.
I am happy to be back, but even happier that this was how I spent my summer. It could not have been a better experience.
